Episode 138 – Anna – surrogate

00:14
Welcome back, or if this is your first time, thank you so much for taking the time to listen to Surrogacy Australia’s podcast series with me, your host Anna McKie. My guest on this episode was a co-host on the regular webinar series that I run. Those one-hour webinars are free and will take you through the surrogacy process in Australia. You will hear from a surrogate or parent and there are opportunities to type in your questions and we will try to answer them. You can find upcoming dates on our website at surrogacyaustralia.org.

00:44
This episode recorded in January 2026 features surrogate Anna. Anna and her husband Sam live in Brisbane with their two young daughters and she birthed little girl Amelia as a surrogate in February 2025. She met her IP’s intended parents, Hannah and Toby, through a Queensland Facebook group and offered to be their traditional surrogate, meaning it was her egg. I think many listeners will find this episode engaging whether you are a friend of Anna,

01:12
new IPs, a new surrogate or a newly formed team. She has some great guidance for teams at all of the different stages. Some points worth noting are that due to being a traditional surrogate and using her own eggs, there is a connection that her parents have with Surrobub because Amelia is their biological grandchild. It’s helpful to therefore consider how they might like to be included in the journey. And I asked her why was their team an awesome team?

01:41
and what type of IPs would be a good fit for Anna. Her answers are helpful for all teams. I hope you enjoyed this episode.

01:48
I have another Anna here with me on the webinar and which is wonderful to have you. So I guess we’ve got some beautiful photos to work through here Anna that we’re gonna get to, but perhaps let’s go from the beginning of your journey first. I guess, why did you wanna be a surrogate in the first place? And was it always necessarily being a traditional surrogate straight up and being the egg donor all in one or how did your thoughts arrive at that? I think part of my appeal for being a surrogate, just to answer your last question there, was always to use my own egg. I always wanted to do traditional surrogacy.

02:16
And I kind of hate IVF, the whole everything. And so if I wanted to use my own egg, I really wanted to avoid IVF. So which is why we went down the sort of the traditional and then home insemination, which we can definitely talk about later. But yeah, in terms of wanting to be a surrogate, I had my two beautiful daughters so effortlessly, and that is an insane privilege. And I just, I didn’t realize how much of a privilege it was until

02:46
you I’ve had them and then you come across people just in your life that go through insane struggles of infertility for years, people who may never be able to have a baby. And that to me as a person, it sort of affected me a bit. You know, I felt like there was a huge injustice essentially. And I’m not actually a religious person at all. I wouldn’t even class myself as spiritual, but I kind of feel like there needs to be some kind of universal.

03:13
like for every person that’s infertile there needs to be someone who’s like you know can help them out so that we can all sort of have what we want in life you know. I was just saying that to somebody recently it’s almost a bit like a bell curve that they’re the average in the middle and there’s some women who have so many medical challenges and can’t fall pregnant and I remember as a surrogate thinking

03:34
because exactly like you, I feel pregnant easily and I’ve been the egg donor three times and I’m like, I feel bad that I’ve had such an easy journey and I enjoyed being pregnant. But then I thought, well, hang on, if it wasn’t for us and who enjoyed pregnancy and had it easily, we wouldn’t be in a position to offer to help people at the other end of the curve. And so, yeah, maybe it almost felt like a calling to you. It sounds a bit like, oh, sorry, it almost felt like a calling for me. Did you, it just felt like something you needed to do in your life or wanted to do? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I love how you just

04:04
Maybe assumed that maybe all surrogates love being pregnant because that’s hilarious. No, being pregnant actually sucks. That’s true. But I’m so happy for you. Yeah, no, was despite that, despite pregnancy being hard and challenging on the body and life and everything, it was still that need to do it that.

04:26
calling, I guess, was like stronger than that. yeah. Extra hats off to you then if pregnancy was hard that you still decided to do this despite all of that. Good on you girl. Well, mean, that’s another thing is that pregnancy was hard, but then also you see people who were like vomiting all day every day and throughout their whole pregnancy and then they have pregnancy so much harder. So I feel like probably got off easy with my journeys as well.

04:51
Yeah, yeah. And I know this is fast forwarding a bit, but just a snapshot. And then the surrogate pregnancy, was it similar to your own girls medically or different or more tired or? Yeah, it’s so really interesting to compare because obviously my daughters are my husband’s genetics.

05:07
The egg is mine, both babies, but then different daddy genetics. And the interesting effect of that was I actually had hypertension with my own babies. And then I had the most flawless blood pressure with this. My blood pressure has never been better. With the surrogate baby. Just crazy kind of differences in that way. Also, she was a kilo heavier at birth than my own babies. So that was a thing.

05:35
massive baby I was huge so welcome she was well

05:40
Yes. It was almost like a better pregnancy, m which felt very rewarding because I didn’t want it to be. the mum, Hannah, absolutely did not want this for me either. was like she would feel terrible if I had a worse pregnancy. So it was good. We were all kind of like, yeah, happy that it was going very well. Yes. And that’s probably a good moment to do a plug that we had the mum that you carried for Hannah on in a previous webinar. And people can catch that as a podcast to hear the other half of the story. So ultimately you joined Facebook groups and

06:10
to being a surrogate. Had you ever met somebody in life who’d been a surrogate or you just kind of went investigating? Yeah, actually the first mums group.

06:18
that I was in, there was a lady who I found out like weeks into this mom’s group, she was like, I didn’t actually give birth to my baby. My best friend carried the baby for us. That was my first kind of like, so she wasn’t a surrogate, she was an intended parent, but a parent through surrogacy. And I thought that was really cool. And being a surrogate was one of those things that I thought about like years and years ago, but obviously you want to have your own kids first. And so was one of those thoughts that I sort of pushed aside, always thought, oh, that’s really cool. But never really put myself in that

06:48
I had some people in my life that would have benefited from a surrogate and I originally offered to someone else that I knew and this is before the Facebook groups or anything like that. It ended up being a no, it wasn’t going to work out due to various reasons and my heart absolutely broke.

07:06
And there’ll probably be a part of me as a person that will never get over that. But I’ve still valued that because that is what ultimately I could not get the idea of being a surrogate out of my brain. And it is what led me to the Facebook groups and doing more. I like went down rabbit holes of researching about surrogacy before I offered them before I’d really spoken to them about it, because I wanted to be sure of myself, like offering someone to have a baby for someone. I’m

07:31
I’m sure if we met at a different time, it would have been amazing and worked out, but it was this, you know, in another life, I’m sure. But yeah, then afterwards that’s where I was like, went to the Facebook group. Yes. So the seed had been planted similar to me. I was actually dating two guys different who I carry for. I remember they called it off with me.

07:52
and it was heartbreaking. it was like it was a breakup. Yeah, we’re still good friends. And I think we’ll be lifelong friends because to have someone then I think offer you a baby is kind of like, you know, that’s a test, the friendship test, the ultimate. Yeah. Greatest gift really can’t be bought in a shop. Yeah. Yes. So then I guess a question that IPs often ask is what drew you to them as IPs? Because I guess IPs are always wondering what is it? What do we need to do so that a surrogate might pick us?

08:21
would hate for intended parents to be anything other than their authentic selves. I think that that is honestly, I hate actually, and I know this controversial, super controversial, bring it on, really extended sorrow dating. And I know this is going to be like very apparent from our timeline, but I think that if you can’t be like authentic and real and work out whether you guys are your people, it’s kind of like when you meet your partner and you know, know, you know, like,

08:51
with my husband I knew I knew fairly early on that I was like this is my person.

08:55
and you know, we’re together 12, 13, whatever years later. So it was the same when I did my post about wanting to be a surrogate and Hannah commented on it and through all the different people that had commented on it, that was all worthy of having a baby. Everyone deserves that in their life if that’s what they want. There’s no one who deserves it more than others. And I think that’s really important for interneparents. If you aren’t kicked by a surrogate,

09:25
not about you, but whether you were the right fit for each other. Yeah. But something that drew me to Hannah was just a real person. We were the same age. We’re the same age. We still are the same age. We’re the same age. Her and her husband, Toby are teachers, which kind of spoke to me. dad.

09:44
was a school principal. so that kind of like, I don’t know, just kind of having that they’re that kind of those kinds of people that like care about kids education. There’s there were just like parts of their I could tell from their core of who they are as people that appealed to me. And she was the only person out of everyone that I actually messaged directly, which is really interesting. I know some people would probably, you know, it’s like dating, right? On my dating and then you pick a few people, get some vibe check.

10:14
but she was the only one that I had message and we just chatted every day for ages. Yes the two things that spring to mind there are I think that’s a great example of IPs just have to be themselves because there’ll be something in their life that surrogate is drawn to it could be a similar profession it could be similar dogs or taste in music so you can’t change that you’ve just got to be you and know that somebody out there will find that

10:39
to be the right click. real and be honest and all those things because that’s what made our team work so flawlessly in our journey was that open honesty. Hannah actually spoke about in her session about coming clean to me about having ADHD. And I was so unbothered because I was like, oh yeah, my husband just got diagnosed like later in life with ADHD. It was like, You know, like if it doesn’t make me think any less of you, it’s just like showing that vulnerability.

11:09
Knowing that might make you paint you in a bad light as an intended parent, but doing it anyway. That is so important. So important. like that. Yeah. That’s a point. What you were saying was about how you just felt it was just right. And you just kind of knew. For me, it was on almost like the second date with the dads, essentially what I did. And I know there’s at least one potential surrogate listening that could be similar, that you essentially offer. For me, it was, I want to offer to date you and then.

11:37
let’s keep checking each other out and then we’ll officially start the paperwork a bit later. But for me it was, I wanted to be exclusive with them. I didn’t want them going off dating another surrogate and I wanted them to know I wasn’t chatting to any other IPs. So I think there’s almost like two levels of offering. You sort of offer, yeah, let’s give this a go while we’re still doing some of that getting to know each other and then you might start some of the paperwork. And so in terms of that surrogating that you mentioned, some teams can vary in terms of how long they do that for perhaps.

12:04
Yeah. Well, that’s probably a nice segue to go to then you guys took a photo of the very first time that you met. Yeah. And also in that photo, I’m holding my youngest daughter, Tilly. So she was like one or something. That day is the first day that we actually met face to face. It was me, my husband and my two daughters meeting Hannah and Toby. We sat at this cafe like we

12:28
got breakfast and then the kids coming in and then they’re crazy. And then my husband was like kind of taking them away and taking them to the park, coming back. And then we actually took them to swimming lessons. stayed at this cafe chatting and just kind of like, actually had a notes document on my phone of all these questions, which are hilarious. come up in like counseling, but it was like stuff that I’d gathered from listening to the specifically the kale series of the Sarah Jefford and Katrina Hale. Those, if you know, you know, like coming out of that and

12:58
just going through them and chatting and just like getting to know each other and our life stories and our families. And we just were chatting for so long. It was at the hours later at the end of this, I feel like the cafe was going to close that I just was like, I want to do this. I want to do this with you guys. I would like to like verbally say, yes, I want to have a baby for you. it was, it was awesome. I was just one of those, those first initial moments in my brain, like Hannah cried, Hannah cried. And it was just like that kind of, it was huge.

13:28
And part of me was like, oh my God, what did I just do? But I, felt right. It felt right. so I’m sure for some people that’s, you know, we just chatted online for however long and then met the first time. It’s the face I’m like, yeah, let’s have a baby. Yeah. And in some ways you guys got lucky because you did find the right match, but it was the right match. Do you roughly remember the timeline then of from when you started the chat to this meet? Do you remember?

13:54
I remember you asking Hannah and that, it’s so like, uh look, probably like we were chatting every day for lot for weeks, maybe like a month or two or something. Yep. And then met face to face and then I was like, yeah, let’s do next steps. And next steps is not get pregnant, you know, like next steps in a surrogacy team. It’s, still like, okay, I better go check in with my GP.

14:20
And I give her this news that I’m to have a baby. Cause I was like, need to do that. Cause I was like, I want to offer to do this, but also I’m like, I haven’t actually spoken to my GP about this. Like I probably should, you know, do what I need to do. And then all of the counseling and the legal. I had some preferences. I wanted to use Sarah Jefford, like as my lawyer. And I had a preference to use Katrina Hale too, because I’ve just been listening to her and I was like,

14:50
just vibed with her so much that I was like, I had these specific requests. So we also had to wait a little bit, even though we were like, yep, go, go. know, we still had to wait for these appointments because to schedule it around my busy work life and things like that was also another thing. Oh, fair points. Well, let’s go through these beautiful photos that sort of are a snapshot of some different stages of your journey. And so we’ve got some photos here of super faint line, but

15:15
if you… Yep, it’s there. Any line. Yep. Any line. And I knew, I knew from that pregnancy test, I was like, I’m pregnant. I feel pregnant. I feel in myself that it is going well and it feels good. Yeah. And did it work on the first month of home inseminations? It sure did. Yep. Good work. You’re fertile woman, my friend. Yeah. I wanted to do, like we talked about…

15:37
gender reveals and stuff like that. And I think we’re both kind of not really like big song and dance, like huge affairs. And Hannah and I both have like probably the patience of a two year old combined. And so I got a call from my doctor to say like, we did the NIPT. So I was like, I wanted to know immediately. And so I had to hold on to that information for like 20

16:00
24 to 48 hours before we had our scan. Because I really wanted to do something for them because with the pregnancy testing, I was so impatient. was was dreaming about how I was going to tell them I was pregnant. It was going be a whole thing. And then I was just like, it was just Facebook messenger. And I was just sent a photo of like, I’m definitely pregnant. Like there’s a line. I couldn’t wait. So I was like, okay, I need to at least kind of do something that sorry gets due for their intended parents because we were just charging through these steps. And I was like,

16:30
I feel like I’m not creating any magic as a surrogate. So I like went around like getting stuff. So that’s actually like a screenshot of a video that I have on my phone of Hannah opening up a black box and it’s like, it’s very apparent it’s gonna be a girl. Oh, beautiful. Yes, full of lots of pink things there. Yes, and being able to capture those moments so that you can look back on that’s beautiful. And then, brilliant belly photos. Yeah, on the left I’m traveling for work so I was flying to Sydney pregnant. Yeah.

16:59
Yeah, huge. And what is the distance between you guys in terms of where you live at the moment? Like right now. And they’re an hour away. An hour away. Yeah, sorry. I’m in Brisbane. They’re on the Gold Coast. It’s like an hour drive. Yeah. So just for people who haven’t listened to Hammers to get that bit of context there. And then I suppose we get to the day of birth. We can go back to the rest of the pregnancy and talk about any of the ups and downs. But so was it a plan, Cesarean? Yeah.

17:22
Yeah, there was a part during the pregnancy where I was like, look, if my body naturally goes into labor, I will give like a vaginal birth ago because of the benefits and whatever. I, my first baby for me was a vaginal birth and it was actually kind of like long and a bit traumatic and.

17:41
whole thing. then my second baby, was like, rather not go through that again. Um, let’s do it like a caesarian. Caesarian was 10 out of the 10 experience. So like ultimately I was happy to have another caesarian, but was also open to the idea that if my body was doing its thing and it was going well and everyone was healthy, then I would give it a go. But I was, I’m actually really glad that I did another caesarian because she was a huge ass baby. Sure.

18:09
Do remember how big in weight she was? Like four point something. Something kilos. Yeah, that’s a good size. babies were like three point something and then she was like a whole kilo more. Yeah. Yeah, I think my Sourabub was four something too. yeah, well cooked there. Yeah, well cooked. Was everybody in the room, your husband and the two IPs? Yeah, it was actually like, it was so incredible. The hospital up here.

18:33
which is amazing. And a special shout out as well to Natalie, had, um, she’s on this as well. is? Yeah, yeah. She’s a student midwife that’s also on her own surrogate journey as well. I met her through the group too. sometimes student midwives will put out a call, anyone giving birth at this hospital or whatever, cause they need it for their studies. And it just worked out so well because she,

18:58
was that kind of like extra voice around that’s kind of asking these questions that a normal midwife wouldn’t necessarily ask because she’s coming at it from a surrogate perspective. And what’s important to you in the room when you give birth and that kind of stuff that it just, she helped advocate for me in a way that I didn’t know I needed.

19:17
until I had it and I’m super, super grateful that she was there. Husband there was right by my head, which was perfect. He was my support person, you know, like if anything were to go wrong, for example, he’s for me. But also the fact that this is that moment, that climax of what you’re doing. And this is the moment where it’s like,

19:38
Thank God, it’s not my responsibility anymore. Like it’s out of my body. And I can hand that over to the parents. Like this is what they’re meant to be. And having both of them there, because it would have been really, I had spoken to my husband that I was like, look, it is an operating room. They’re tight. And if anyone were to get kicked out, my husband knew that it was going to be him.

19:58
because it was important to me to have both the parents there because I, know, Hannah misses out on so much of what you would go through if you were the birthing person that it just did not feel fair to just kind of keep taking and my husband would get over it.

20:16
You know, like, we’d miss out on seeing that moment and he would have to kind of live it through me telling him about it or whatever. But at the end of the day, like, we knew what this is all about. It was about making Hannah and Toby parents. So he was all fine with it. But I’m glad that it didn’t come to that and the hospital allowed all of us to be in there because that’s huge, really. Yeah. I think this is so valuable because every time I host these things, I learn something or I think about things in a different way.

20:40
That’s great for me too. And so these are the photos that I guess you look back on. You made them a mum and a dad, hey? Yeah, so cool. So powerful. So cool. so raw. Yeah. And then life starts to go on. So you have cuddles with little Amelia and then your girl’s coming to meet her. That’s pretty special. Yeah. Yeah, it was so sweet. Tilly is holding like a bag of Reese’s peanut butter cups and I’ve always got a fan because I had postpartum sweats. Like you would not believe as like the hormone levels are dropping and I’m like sweating.

21:10
and sticky and like, yeah, I had so many beautiful cuddles because I was breastfeeding as well. Yeah, that was just really good. It was really nice to be able to just cuddle this baby that I actually felt kind of almost no attachment to, which was a wild experience. I thought my body would get confused, not my mind, obviously, because I knew what I was doing, but my body might feel a certain way or respond and make me feel confused. But I literally was like breastfeeding this baby and then like, okay, we’ll see you later.

21:40
I didn’t even want to burp her. just kind of like, was like, look, I’m here to breastfeed her because that’s what’s good for this baby that I’m holding currently. like, kind of as I being a wet nurse or something. I was just going to say that. And it’s not something that is done that much in society now, but it used to be. And I do know of some people who have breastfed other people’s children. Yeah, it’s just you’re nourishing that child. That’s it. It’s not your child. But yeah, it wasn’t my best as soon as like it left my body. I mean, it was never my

22:10
baby the whole pregnancy, but like as well, like when it left my body, was just like, okay. Yeah. So the bringing her back in for the cuddles, think parents would probably feel, they might feel a certain way that the surrogate is going to bond with this baby during the breastfeeding. And so I can tell you from firsthand experience, like I actually felt no attachment to Amelia in that, and it didn’t kind of bring us closer. I enjoyed cuddling her in the same way. I love cuddling a friend’s baby.

22:40
Yes, really valuable for IPs and surrogates to hear because if they’ve never heard a surrogate talk about this before, just putting people at ease going, no, we don’t want the baby. Yeah. And I’m sure that there’s probably some surrogates out there that felt differently or felt really attached and they needed that time. Really? I’ve not really met any. We all experience things differently and we all have different ways we like go through that. But I really like that was my experience. It was really no problem handing over their baby. Great work.

23:09
I’m so these these are my parents so as my dad and my mom holding Amelia so my mom and dad were staying with us as my like.

23:19
kind of home support. My mom is a retired nurse. So that it was really, you know, it meant that my husband didn’t need to take time off work. My mom would help with the girls um in the house because I did have young children as well that I had to recover from a cesarean. I was pumping breast milk and my mom was just keeping the washing going, the dishwasher, you know, just doing amazing stuff. um And also it’s important to remember that my parents are the like

23:47
biological grandparents to this baby, right? So my mom felt a distinct bond to this baby. My mom, it was originally like a bit apprehensive about me being a surrogate, but through how passionate I was about it, and she knows how stubborn I am anyway, there’s no way she’s going to change my mind to do anything. Yes. um

24:07
But she came around and she really saw how beautiful it was. And she went from like being really nervous to tell her friends about her daughter being a surrogate because was giving the baby away, which is that old.

24:17
whatever I’m said, it’s really dumb. But she went from that to then I think she’s now changed and it’s kind of like a, it’s now like an amazing kind of talking point, I think. I would like to hope so anyway. I should back check that with her. But I think she’s come back around and it’s like, it’s actually like, this is what my daughter has done for someone. And that’s incredible. Absolutely. I actually did a webinar last year with three mothers of surrogates. And yes, it can absolutely confirm that the pride that they finally have,

24:47
some nerves at the beginning. Yeah, and so it’s beautiful to see that the continued catch-ups that yeah, then the second photo is like just recently over Christmas when my parents were up at our place for Christmas and then we went down to to have a visit and so it’s just yeah, it’s really valuable. I think if there are any IPs that that are listening to this, it’s not just about the surrogate and her family necessarily like checking in and seeing the baby. It’s like if you do have a traditional surrogate like do

25:17
have a little bit of like understanding respect for the boomer grandparents that are, know, potentially having a harder time understanding that it’s a biological grandchild to them and that they might want to visit. Right. Yeah. That’s really valuable points there. Yeah. Thank you for bringing that up. And as we push through the last of the photos, we’ve just got some.

25:39
photos of different people having cuddles. So like your husband, you, and just continued catch-ups, yeah? Yeah. Yep. That’s what we’ve got. She’s so beautiful. Look at those beautiful eyes. And so do you ever look at her like, because I’ve been an egg donor too, is it just more that curiosity sometimes going, oh yeah, I can see some of the familiar features, but it’s not like, oh, now we keep them.

26:02
because they look like me. That was the huge appeal and like it is what it is. Like it led to me being a surrogate, but it was kind of like a weird appeal of like, I’m done with two kids. Daycare is so expensive. was ginger broke. And so we’re done having kids. My husband sort of aspect to me, like we’re done. But that appeal of like, I wonder what it would look like if I had another baby, you know, like, and now I like literally get to see that. Absolutely. Yes. that continued curiosity and your friendship continues there.

26:32
It’s beautiful. You guys have done a great job as a team. Yeah. Have you got anything in particular that you would like to add that we haven’t covered so far before I ask you any couple of questions? Thinking about it, our team was so good. Our team worked so well and there’s a few reasons reflecting on our journey, why it did. And it was, we aligned on values. We aligned on like morals and honesty, you know, all these like really cool.

26:57
core parts of who you are as a person, me as a surrogate, them as people, we aligned so well that everything just kind of fell into place. We made decisions. If they felt comfortable with me, if I had to make a decision without them, that I would make the same decision that they would make anyway. It’s kind of like this whole honesty thing and we just aligned and that was the core part of why our team worked so well. There was also respect around, I’m a super career driven person and I think a lot of intended parents need to recognize that,

27:27
Yes, your world is about to change because the surrogate is making a baby for you. But understand that your surrogate has a life. She’s putting her life on hold to do this for you. But just have a bit of like that respect for your surrogate and her life as it is. And I just wanted to keep pushing forward with my career. Like one of those photos was me having to fly to Sydney and I was on my hands and knees pregnant, helping doing what I do. I work in hotels and I was like, I’m that kind of person. And so there was a lot of respect

27:56
them to just allow me to just do all this sort of stuff and that’s so important to me and I valued it so much in like reflecting on our journey. That’s great yeah I think you’ve summed that up well there. Well some people are typing into chat questions so I’m gonna read them out and then I’m gonna hit you with the one that we’d prepared. Julia asks how did you frame it to your own children and how did they respond to the pregnancy? I think the answer will be for most of us the kids are fine it’s the adults that worry about it. Yes 100 % it’s the adults that you have to work out how you’re gonna sell it to them.

28:26
Kids literally, there was one thing though that popped up with just before birth that I needed to navigate that I didn’t anticipate because throughout the journey, Hannah had bought us a book about, you my mom was a surrogate. We actually, started filling it in with the photos of like, can put after birth is what you can put the photos of the baby. And so we have that as a memento and we read through it. Kids are fine. We, the way we phrased it was it’s not safe for Hannah, like our friend Hannah, it’s not safe for her to carry a baby.

28:56
in her tummy, so I’m gonna do it for her because I’ve made some babies successfully already, so I’m gonna do it for her. They just take it like, okay, cool. But the thing that came up that I didn’t anticipate was that my, she’s now five, but she would have been three or so at a time. She started making like beds and cots and stuff around the house for when I bring the baby home. And it was something that I had to then go.

29:20
I didn’t like sort of explicitly tell her, no, the baby’s not coming back to our place. It’s going back to Hannah and Toby’s place because it’s their baby. Like she understood it was their baby, but she thought that still I would bring it home. So there’s kind of like some things that might pop up that you need to navigate. did not, it was not traumatic for her. She was like, oh, okay. But I was like, you can still make a bed for when she comes to visit. Like it’s still, know, but kids, kids are fine. You just tell them, just be real with what’s happening. Yes. Yeah. uh

29:50
Another plug, I’ve also had done a webinar with three children of surrogates and so that’s another great resource. I they were all sort of about 11 or 12 when they came on, but they were younger when their mums were surrogates, so that’s a good resource for people to listen to. A potential surrogate has said basically thank you. She was ticking so many boxes tonight in her head while listening, so thank you. Her question is from Chloe.

30:13
How often did you catch up during pregnancy besides the appointments or was it heavily? This is such a good question because I know that there are teams, they meet up every week or every fortnight. It’s like scheduled in the calendar and they’re super like regimented. I actually wanted to be fully left alone in uh a way. Like I have two young kids and I’m trying hard to prove myself as a working mom with two kids who’s now pregnant that I can do it. I’m like, you know, I did not have the time

30:43
the energy or the emotional capacity to beat every weekend and like to try either, you know, them coming up for an hour or us going down there for an hour. Like I actually, it’s so fine. And I think I needed to, felt guilty about that as well. Am I, am I robbing them of time with me being pregnant? But I was kind of also like, whatever it is what it is. It worked for our team. You need to, when you’re, if you’re a surrogate considering what’s important to you, if meeting up every week is your thing, then you need to discuss

31:13
that and so that you’re on the same page. For us, we met the exact right amount of times. You end up having lots of appointments anyway. I think I did one appointment by myself because I was like, look, I’ll be in there for 15 minutes. You’re to drive an hour and whatever to get up there for 15 minutes. And then like, I’m going to go back to work. Like I’m not, this is, I’m fitting this in my lunch break and I’m going back to work. Like I’m not having a day off for this. Yeah. Like it’s just that kind of like mutual respect. Look at what’s important to you as a person. You don’t

31:43
have to compromise, need to come to the same, you need to come to the table and be on the same page. That’s what you need to find in your parents. We had prepared before, I was therefore going to ask you something like, who would not be a good fit for you for IPs? But I think you’re almost saying it there. Yeah, someone who would micromanage me, you know, all that sort of stuff. This whole thing is based on trust that you’re going to do the right thing while you’re pregnant, for example, like I’m not going to go out and…

32:09
go party and drink a bunch, you know, like there’s that trust, there’s the trust that I’ll hand over the baby and then there’s trust that they’ll take the baby.

32:18
You know at the other end the whole thing is based on trust that people who wouldn’t work for me is people that appeared to have trust issues With me. Yeah, I think where they felt like they needed to micromanage me if our morals weren’t aligned You know, it’s just that kind of stuff. Yeah, and that’s great And so I think what you’re saying is empowering to people They need to speak up for what it is. They want tricky thing is so some people might not even know what they want Yes, it’s being open to that changing. I think for our team they came to all

32:48
all of the appointments that was something we had committed to as a team even if it was a five minute blood test but we only lived half an hour apart. And I think maybe we had monthly date nights in there and so we’d get dinner at our place takeaway and put the kids to bed and continue to chat about some of the things in like the hundred questions and kind of revisit the things and particularly as we got closer to birth talking more about what’s that going to look like in post-birth. So every team will work out a way that does it and bearing in mind some teams are interstate from each other so they’re not doing all of these catch-ups they might have

33:18
like zoom catch-ups or messenger so it’s about ideally finding a team that is the right fit for everybody or if not

33:25
being upfront about what it is you need and want. And everybody saying that, not the IPs promising one thing and then not delivering on it, that type of thing. Exactly. Yeah. Because that’s why I don’t like that extended sorority dating thing where it’s like, because you might see each other every week because your parents might to try and impress the surrogate. But then if you don’t keep that up, like it’s almost like you’ve aligned but on false promises. So it’s like, we have our group chat.

33:54
and we use that so even though we aren’t seeing each other face to face, I’m messaging Hannah like all the time, like we’re, you know, and that’s, we put the photos in there and stuff, like we’re friends now. It’s like, yeah, it’s a different kind of relationship. Yeah. We had a group chat with the four of us and then we had a group chat with the three of us. So, I mean, cause I carried for two dads, often when you carry for a mum, it’s just the two women are often in contact the most, but occasionally it was handy then to have my then husband at the time, Glenn,

34:22
He turns out he had a private group chat with the two dads for the odd occasion when Anna got emotional and tired and couldn’t express herself.

34:31
He had to take over. So partners of surrogates will get involved down the tracks. We’ve had some feedback coming through that thank you from Chloe. We’ve answered it perfectly. Stuart and Lisa loving the webinars. Julia saying every time she connects with the community, her decision to be a surrogate is strengthened. So Anna, I reckon that’s pretty good feedback for tonight, yeah? Yeah, for sure. Well done.

34:53
All right, everybody, well, thank you for coming. But just to sum it up there, Anna, any last parting bits of advice for the people listening or if we kind of covered it all? We covered it all, like… Is it something you’d ever do again then, Anna? Yes. Yeah. don’t know.

35:05
Yeah, but specifically for Hannah and Toby, I think I have two girls. think giving Amelia a sibling would be one of those things that just kind of like completes it for me. During pregnancy, I was like, no, I want to have this massive baby like hell no. But that birth moment that

35:25
high, I will never feel that high again in my life. I feel like I can say that. Like it was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I think it will continue to be the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. And then giving a sibling, think would just be like icing, you know, it’d be so good.

35:43
Talk my language, my friend, you make me wanna do it again. Oh my God. If my dads had wanted a sibling, I was always gonna do it, but they had said they were one and done when we were sorry dating. To give that sibling and to do it for the IPs that you’ve already built that relationship with. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it. So I’m just like, yeah, we’re good. Yeah, I found my people.

36:05
Perfect. Well, thank you. That summarises it all beautifully. And chat is often not this active. So let me tell you. Oh really? This has been a great guys. They have really engaged with what you’re saying there and they’ve really appreciated it. Thank you everybody for writing that and letting Anna know that you appreciate it. Thank you so much for joining me. On our YouTube channel, you will find many other episodes as well as the images mentioned in this webinar.

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If you’re looking for more resources, check out the show notes for this episode and consider joining us for one of our webinars so you can have your questions answered on the spot. Please subscribe to this podcast if you found it valuable and share it with someone so they too can benefit from this conversation. Until next time, welcome to the village.