Episode 137 – Hannah – straight mum

00:13
Welcome to Surrogacy Australia’s podcast series. I’m your host Anna McKie and my aim is to raise the level of awareness of surrogacy through these conversations. This podcast is a recording from a webinar that I host and you can find more details about those and upcoming dates on our website at surrogacyaustralia.org. The webinars are free. Go for an hour and we’ll take you through how surrogacy works in Australia. You can ask questions, typing them in anonymously if you prefer.

00:41
and you hear from a co-host who has navigated surrogacy in Australia, either a surrogate, a gay dad or a straight mum. This episode, recorded in January 2026, features mum through surrogacy, Hannah. Hannah and her husband Toby became parents to their daughter Amelia in February 2025. Their surrogate Anna, previously a stranger, was their traditional surrogate, meaning it was also her egg.

01:07
Hannah needed an egg donor due to having Mosaic Turner Syndrome and then also a surrogate due to her endometrial lining not thickening. They pursued a surrogacy journey in Canada, so it has been a long road to becoming a mum. You can hear from Hannah’s surrogate, Anna, in the next episode, number 138. I really enjoyed this episode with Hannah. Well, to be fair, I enjoy every episode. And one other key message that she said in here, which I thought was so beautifully phrased was,

01:36
This woman ended a dark chapter. She’s been the light. And then I think sometimes as surrogates that we forget that, that we are bringing that light, that light of hope to IPs, the intended parents, their dream of being parents. And also for us as surrogates, we get to fulfill our dream of helping people become parents and getting to birth a baby again. So there’s a lot of love that gets shared among surrogacy teams. I hope you enjoy this episode.

02:01
Hannah, we’ve got some beautiful photos of your journey here. And the first one here, I believe you told me is of the very first day you met surrogate Anna. So let’s go from that point in your journey onwards, the meeting of Anna and then the journey that you had together. So tell us about this first meet or at least a little bit about how you got there. So, I mean, there’s a bit of a lead up to this obviously, but Anna had written on one of the Facebook community groups, just a bit about her and that she was interested in being a surrogate. And I basically just replied,

02:31
saying, I’m a dog person too, would love to catch up. And I think that’s literally all I said. And then we just got chatting online. Yeah. And here we are with the 10 month old. Basically. So you have a 10 month old now. Do you roughly remember when?

02:46
those first chats happened, I’m just trying to work out the timeframe from the first message to birth. So look, we actually, we were pretty quick in all of this, which is not something I would necessarily recommend.

03:01
I just got a really great vibe from Anna and I think she obviously felt the same way. She was very prepared with what she wanted. I believe she came with a whole list of questions when we first, you know, hung out in person. But I think it was only, you know,

03:17
months of chatting before we actually, you know, agreed that we were going to do this whole thing. Yeah, so it all happened pretty quickly, but straight away I just knew that she was my kind of person. Yeah. Are we talking perhaps this time last year, the start of 2025? 2024? I think so, yeah, I believe so. I’m sorry, I can’t even, I think it was about six months before Amelia was born. Something about

03:40
around that. Before you got pregnant with her? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, yes, before we started trying to have Amelia, yeah, so was quite quick.

03:49
And that’s okay. It worked and it’s been a good team. So then you met and then as you said, you took a few months and you’re chatting and you’re talking through all of those questions about what do we each want out of our journey? And then is there anything you’d like to remember from that time of then doing the counseling and legals? Was there anything that springs to mind that was particularly challenging or weird or funny? Actually, I think the whole process of doing the counseling was quite straightforward because we’d already had just about every single one of the conversations that the counselor

04:19
were speaking about. As I said, like, Anna really knew what she wanted. I had sort of like thought that, you know, I want to be on the same page with this person and so it really reassured me that when we were going through everything and we were both not afraid to talk about, you know, the nitty-gritty details of what if this and what if that.

04:39
Because you have to be. was, yeah, I just, knew that we were on the same page with just about everything that I could think of. And so I then thought, if something does spring up that we haven’t discussed, I can be pretty sure that I’m going to also align with her on those things too. So that was kind of the main push forward with that. Great. Yeah. And that’s my experience with surrogacy teams. The more you’ve talked before you go to counselling, the better prepared you are. And then it’s not scary because you’ve done all the chats. Yes. Yeah. And so then you,

05:09
eventually got pregnant and so as I said in the introduction Anna was your traditional surrogate meaning she also offered to be your egg donor and so you went down the path of home inseminations yes yeah fun and weird and awkward and wonderful yeah like this this part so you become good friends very quickly

05:27
Because, know, as you can imagine, someone we didn’t like, we obviously had a relationship with Anna and Sam and the kids by that point, but we didn’t know each other that well. And so, you know, we’re at their house having to do the business basically. And then, you know, having to give this little thing to Anna and being like, okay, good luck.

05:47
Yes. So that was very awkward and funny. We laugh about it now. Yes. And so it’s going to, yeah, there are all of those logistics. Maybe I should do a whole separate webinar on that in terms of whose house it happens at and then, you know, what instruments you use, like a soft cup and things, know, little syringes and all these different, you know, equipment to prepare for. um And yeah, I mean, this is usually an intimate thing that happens between you and your husband. And then here you are laughing and involving another woman and her husband. Yeah. Yeah. I remember being in the bathroom and Toby’s thinking,

06:17
I don’t know if I can do this. But anyway, we won’t go into that. Sure, that’s right. If people want to ask specific questions, they can perhaps chat to you offline privately. We can hook them up to have private chats about that. And did it work first month of trying or it took a couple of months? Yes, no, it first month. Yeah. Al has gotten pregnant first month, every baby she’s had. She’s a bit of a unicorn. So we call her the magical unicorn because she just is, yeah.

06:47
Wow, and that must have been such a change for you, such a long journey of your own in terms of trying to get pregnant yourself first and then working out your own issues and then bang it, having first go. Like, I guess you would sort of have your hopes up, hoping it might, but then still caught by surprise. Yes, definitely. You almost, I had forgotten that people just get pregnant.

07:07
Like, oh yeah, that’s right. People just get pregnant. And I almost actually didn’t believe Anna because I think I was so used to disappointments at that point that when, you know, she showed me the positive tests, I’m going, oh, but no, it might like, you know, there’s that voice after having so many issues with infertility that you almost like, you’re so used to disappointments that you don’t really 100 % believe it. And it was not until like we got blood tests and then, you know, you’re waiting for the next thing, like the ultrasound, like something could still not.

07:37
You know all these things you just kind of holding on and I think I don’t think it was until Amelia was in my arms that I actually fully went I have a baby like so yeah Understandable. Yes. Yeah getting your hopes up a little bit there and yeah, it’s hard to believe and so then here’s a baby shower photo So I’m guessing did you let your friends and family know then about doing this surrogacy journey and they got to see Anna over time and and vice versa with you with Anna’s family Yeah, I think the baby shower is actually

08:07
great opportunity for Anna to meet all of those kind of not immediate people that were sort of in our lives that she hadn’t yet met. So yeah, it was really lovely. It was a great afternoon. And just the fact that we could have a baby shower. Like I just, remember on that day thinking, I can’t believe we’re having a baby shower. Like I didn’t ever think that this day would be happening. So, you know, it was kind of a nice opportunity to celebrate everyone involved, you know, traditionally, I guess, baby showers, you know, the mom, um

08:37
and just girls and whatever but we actually had every all our friends and you know men as well and kids and yes all of it so yeah it’s a good point and I guess by that point of um as your mum and as your surrogate but in terms of in the past it would have been that it would have been you pregnant as you said and maybe celebrating that with girls and by this point of Anna being pregnant for you had that

08:59
grief and sadness about it not being you carrying being replaced by the joy or was it still a bit of a balance between all of those feelings? oh I think by that point, there obviously was a lot of grief and sadness, but I think by that.

09:14
point I was just so like this woman has ended a very long dark chapter in my life in you know a matter of months and I think I just felt gratitude. Yes. And yeah. That’s beautiful. Yeah. I think that’s really empowering for those intended mums listening who are faced with that oh my gosh surrogacy is my path now. Wow. Okay. I can move to this point um of joy and what you said there this woman has ended a dark chapter

09:44
and she’s been the light and that’s a nice way of looking at it. And I just want surrogates to remember that that’s essentially what you’re doing. Like you have the power to completely change someone’s life around and completely turn it into a different trajectory. I guess it’s powerful. It really is and I think surrogates often we just go oh yeah yeah yeah this is just something we wanted to do. It’s not a big deal. ah

10:08
Occasionally it hit you. think for me it was after birth and it was when somebody, people might say, that’s what you’ve done is amazing. And I think occasionally it hit me. I’m like, yeah, right. This is pretty big, isn’t it? This is not just going down to the shops and buying a packet of something. You know, this is, this is enormous. It’s buying me a cup of coffee. like, yeah. It’s, it’s life, isn’t it? It’s creating life. You can’t buy that at a shop. Yes. Yes. And so then from the baby shower, we moved through the pregnancy and we get to the day of birth. So it was a planned cesarean. So talk us through that.

10:38
that day of birth and what you’re thinking and feeling as you look at some of these photos. Oh I you know there’s a video of me meeting Amelia and I cannot watch it because I just ball my eyes out. That is just like I don’t honestly don’t even have the words to describe it. It was just everything.

10:57
that I could have hoped for. So you probably can hear Amelia in the background. That’s okay. That’s all part of it. I I was just a blubbering mess. I don’t really know the words that I would use to describe it, but it was a big, the biggest release of emotions that I think I’ve ever felt ever. just, yeah, maybe the closest word I could describe is just release. Yes. And I wonder if looking back at that video, you were teleported back to that woman and what

11:26
through that release is a bit raw and vulnerable to what you imagine. Yeah, I just yeah, I just start blubbering all over again. So yeah, it was beautiful. It was the most beautiful day. Yes, oh most terrifying because you still knew parents going Oh my god, what do we do?

11:43
to us now. Yeah, yeah. And watching your hubby, the man you love, became a dad too, hey? Yes, yeah. And he’s wanted to be a dad the longest time as well. I think people forget that too, that infertility doesn’t just affect the person, but is infertile. It affects, you know, the partner because they’re sort of infertile too, in a way, because…

12:05
they want to be with you and you can’t have children together. So it affects both of you. That’s a good point. Yes. And so then people are often wondering about the logistics. So were you staying in rooms next to each other in the hospital for a couple of days? Yeah, Marta were great. They put us in the room next to each other. Anna was breastfeeding Amelia while we were in hospital. So we were able to kind of go back and forth. And yeah, I was able to give Amelia to her for feeding and we’d just hang out in the room a bit. And yeah, it was good.

12:35
It was nice to have the dressers there to help us a little bit too and show us what to do. Definitely, as you learn nappies, feeds and settles and burps and all of those things. And I think just again for new parents listening.

12:49
for how casually you just said, um oh yeah, she breastfed. Some people will be like, oh, oh, were you okay with that? Or was it by that point in the journey, again, you were friends and Anna wanted to do it and you were comfortable with it. Was it something that you were initially worried about or felt okay with?

13:05
Look, in my mind, this whole thing of surrogacy was mainly brought about obviously not being able to have children, but also thinking about if I did attempt to, um and somehow ended up miraculously being out to the issues they would have and all of the rest of it. And so you make a choice to go down this route and that

13:26
The choice of breastfeeding also was that same mindset of like, well, this is the best start for her. wasn’t you kind of already thinking like a mom going this is this is not for me. This is the best thing for my baby. And the best thing for Anna too. Because don’t forget

13:41
like breastfeeding is great for people that have given birth. There is a connection that she has with the baby that she doesn’t want to just go like it and it was it was nice honestly like I was happy that she was loved and fed and yes yeah I mean it sort of is like I think being really honest there were times over the few days where I was like oh I wish I could just

14:05
settle her like that. But the thing I want new parents to realize is if you do do that, you know, if your surrogate does breastfeed your baby, there is a long time of you being that person that settles that baby. The surrogate has had the baby in their tummy for nine months, a few days is not going to change. Really like how you bond with that baby or any of the rest of it.

14:29
So, yeah, there will be tens, hundreds, thousands of times that you have to settle your baby over that first year in particular. many of us have directly breastfed surrogate babies. And I can say they all bond with their parents. There is absolutely no issues with that. mean, people often need to remember in a traditional hetero couple, the dad doesn’t carry the baby, but he can still bond with his child. And so as is the case in surrogacy, yes, the surrogate bonds with the child, but not in the way that she’s going to parent it. It’s her body has bonded with the child.

14:59
And so we need to ease off that amount of contact. But as you said, breastfeeding is good for her body and the recovery too, the contracting of the uterus is helpful too. So yeah, it’s nice to have those bonding moments together. Yeah, we pumped for quite a while for us too, which is amazing. Wow. So she got some extended breast milk there, did she? Wonderful. And so then life goes on and they lived happily ever after as we sometimes talk about. so then… Well, not always there is a baby involved, but yes. Exactly, right?

15:29
just on that and it’s absolutely okay for parents to experience a version of postnatal depression because but I’m not necessarily saying you are but I’m just putting that on the table that because becoming a parent is hard work and you love this child and you want them to be there but they they don’t always settle they go through regressions and there’s teething and so there’s hard parts of parenting out there even if they’re really wanted and expensive babies yes yeah relationship changes all of the all of the things it does doesn’t it yeah you

15:56
your relationship with your life partner. Yeah, chuck a baby in the mix. And so catch-ups continued with Anna and her family and her kids. Is that something that you’ve made a point of continuing to do? Yeah. So they live in Britain, it’s about an hour away. And yeah, Anna came and actually stopped by on Christmas day, which was lovely. And then we had a, you know, a catch-up with her mum and…

16:17
family, if you didn’t, it was like maybe a week later. They’re always gonna be in our lives and we like you mentioned Auntie Anna, she is Auntie Anna to Amelia. In fact, she just started daycare this week and there was a form that they sent home today that was basically like, I can’t remember what the exact question was, but like, my name is blah, blah, blah. A couple of different questions. There’s something interesting. I’m gonna send that back tomorrow saying, I’m a surrogacy baby, my Auntie Anna.

16:43
had me in her tummy. There was like a little like, oh, this is the first time I’m actually not talking about it, but putting her in a position where people in her life know where I’m from and starting that story essentially now, like she’ll go to daycare and eventually they’ll be talking about families and. Yes, circle of trust and important adults in their life. And again, new people listening, that’s really powerful to hear that because some people are like, oh, what age should we wait until we tell the child their story that they’re donor conceived or for surrogacy?

17:13
and it’s like the answer is before they’re born. Yes. Just get used to talking about it. So yeah, by you being comfortable to talk to the daycare staff about that, that’s really embracing her journey that Amelia’s had to come into this world. Yeah. And then some photos to finish up, photos of you being a mum and then I’m guessing is that the parentage order day? Yes, yep. Yep.

17:33
That was a few months old when you guys got to go to court for that? Yes, the first time was a few months old. We actually had ours rejected the first time, which was a big lesson in and of itself. Yeah. And then we ended up sorting it out and getting it. Oh, it wasn’t rejected. It was just, they told us we need to do this and fix it up and do it another day. Yes. Is that because you did it kind of yourselves? Yes. Yes. So we did all, obviously we had a lawyer, we

18:02
had Sarah Jefford, we had lawyers for the surrogacy agreement and all the rest of it. For the parentage order, everything had been so great up until that point. My husband said, you know, I think I could probably do this. Plot twist, he’s not a lawyer. It was a bit of a journey to try and fix that up. But I just want to put that in there as embarrassing as it is, because I highly recommend just paying the money and getting a lawyer for the parentage order. will save you a lot of stress.

18:30
Sure, I guess you have to weigh that up too when you’ve got a newborn and you’re juggling everything. It’s the time and the money, you’ve got to weigh it up. I guess it was just some extra documentation or something that needed to be added in and then unweighted. And that’s the thing, it is very small things. Sure. And people, if you’re not a lawyer, you probably not realize how exact the wording of different things needs to be.

18:52
I think one of them was, for example, Toby didn’t put his occupation at the time of Amelia’s birth or something like, just things like that. we, yes, I highly recommend unless you are a lawyer, getting someone to do it.

19:07
Well, you got there in the end. that’s wonderful. I’ve got lots of questions that have sprung to mind here. Obviously, when you start this journey, the journey is mainly with the surrogate. It’s not just the surrogate, is it? It’s her husband, as you said, was Sam and Anna has two kids herself. Do you roughly remember how old they were when you met them or roughly how they are now? Because they’re little, aren’t they? uh Three and six, I believe. Yes. Yeah, yeah, it’s quite young. And so I suppose, well, Anna is coming on the webinar in two weeks. And so all people can catch the recording of that.

19:37
So I know for my kids were two and four when we my kids met Matt and Brendan and we use the language We need an egg in a seed to make a baby and a girl’s tummy to grow it And so we’re gonna grow a baby for Matt and Brendan Do you remember if there was similar language that Anna used with her two daughters? believe so. We ended up getting I do remember I’m getting Anna a book I think you actually might have had it in one of your posts. My mom is a surrogate But I think she just always said my mom is gonna have a baby for Hannah. Yeah, like

20:07
appropriate language, sort of same as what we’ll do with Amelia, just age appropriate. Yeah. Yes. I find it’s the adults that often have the concerns. They’re like, oh, how are the surrogates kids going to cope with mum doesn’t bring home the baby? Kids are fine. That’s you tell them. know, there’s the Easter bunny Santa Claus, all the rest of it. Exactly. take us back to your very beginning, ultimately needing a surrogate to become a mum. But that’s been quite a journey in terms of your own health.

20:37
discovering, you know, your health complexities and then trying and then and you tried a little bit over in Canada, I hear. So is there anything you want to summarize for us as much or as little as you feel comfortable to tell? So I’ll try and give you a condensed version. I found out when I was maybe 14, 13, that I had mosaic Turner syndrome, which means basically my eggs hadn’t developed properly. Right. My ovaries hadn’t developed properly. Sorry. Would eventually need an egg donor to have a baby. Okay. And at this point,

21:07
time of being 15 or 14, I did not care. My mum cried obviously, but I didn’t really think about it too much because I’ve been pretty well. you know, there can be, with mosaic Turner syndrome, there can be a lot of health issues that come along with it. I got pretty lucky. I don’t have a lot of the things that some people do. So I didn’t really think too much about it until I met my husband and really wanted to have a baby with him.

21:34
And I went, uh oh, this is a problem. So, you know, pretty early on I did say to him, this is going to be hard. I, you know, I can’t have kids as easily as what, you know, a lot of people can. So we’d only known each other for, we’d only been sort of dating for a couple of years when we decided to start planning that. Because we knew it would be quite a long road if we were to have kids. And so first step was getting donor eggs. uh

22:02
which we did from overseas. And I was supposed to have an embryo transfer and we spent months trying to get my lining working. a whole bunch of things, PRP, the rest of it, had decided to give it a go anyway with the embryos we had, did not work.

22:21
had a couple of failed transfers. It came time to get more donor eggs and I was just sort of like, maybe we should go and talk to somebody else and just get another opinion. It’s not working. And so the OBGYN that I went and spoke to was basically like, I don’t think that this is a good idea. Even if we could somehow get you pregnant, I’d

22:43
I can’t see that this is like I’m not confident that this is going to end well and I’m kind of giving you a condensed version but basically said you know yes to you and the baby yeah because I also have a mild heart thing as well that is not caused me any issue but later on can sort of become an issue when people are old things like that but anything to do with the heart makes it

23:06
whole bunch of things. And so she said, I think you should look into doing surrogacy. And so that’s when I went home and, you know, my husband poured me a glass of wine. said, okay, what do we need to do? Basically, we got told that that it was just too hard to find one in Australia, a surrogate in Australia. So we got recommended to look at agencies in Canada. I say got recommended, like I basically had a look and thought,

23:34
Canada seems like the best. they have a similar feel, the altruistic feel. It just felt the most like, okay, they’ve got agencies and things that kind of felt like what we should go down and joined an agency actually got matched with somebody who we thought sounds

23:52
like it could be a good, you know, match. But then she went into doing testing and things and had some precancerous cells on her cervix when doing the pap smear from, you know, from us basically starting the testing process, which, you know, that’s saved her life. I’m sure. It’s a blessing in disguise to her, but it sets you back. um And obviously that was all fine. In the end, she got treated. But after

24:20
the treatments and everything, she kind of just…

24:23
sent us a long message and said, I think I need to just, just focus on her health and her family. Yes. Yeah. To the square one again. Yeah. So, and lot of bumps in the roads. And then we ended up, actually it was SJ that, don’t know if you’re on SJ that said, you know, I think you should put your, you know, put yourself out there in Queensland communities. And that’s when basically we reached out to Anna and yeah, it all started. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. But obviously there was a long time waiting to be matched in between that talking to different people.

24:53
we had a couple of know maybe start like the surrogating process all of that. That’s a very very condensed version. is yes well thank you for sharing that with us it’s yeah it’s been a long journey to get here and then the other part needing an egg donor in your surrogate Anna was also the egg donor. How have you felt any differently when you look at your daughter Amelia you know knowing you’re not genetically connected or is it 100 % you know who mum is and that doesn’t matter?

25:19
Yeah, I think I might feel differently than other people about this because I’ve kind of from a young age known that it was not going to be my genetic makeup. But I imagine if you sort of are just coming to terms with that, it might be a little bit more difficult or a lot more difficult even. Amelia looks like the spinning image of Anna. But I love that because I look at her and I’m reminded of the person that did this wonderful thing for us. Plus, our room is beautiful.

25:49
That’s a little bonus, but yeah, I feel it’s a nice thing for me to see that. feel, yeah, I don’t feel a sense of sadness not having my genetic makeup. guess is what I’m trying to say. And I think you’re right that it’s a level of acceptance that comes with it. So you found out as a teenager, so that seed had been planted to work through over time. for other people, might be something. be a longer process. Yeah, if they’ve had a shorter time to process it. uh

26:17
So just sort of thinking about your whole journey there, was there anything particularly challenging about your journey that you could reflect on in terms of that and how your team works through it, be it as in terms of the relationship together or parts of the process? In terms of our team, I feel like everything, the hard bit was before our team.

26:37
Everything just went so well after that, that I sort of have like, and I know not every journey is perfect, but I really felt like we had the easiest possible journey as a team. Yeah, that you could possibly have. I think that’s a credit to your team then that you’ve got it on the right page with each other, lots of communication. Yeah, I think that does come from being very clear about what we want, you know, and having those conversations where you talk about the nitty gritty stuff. um

27:07
And also getting a bit lucky that you actually were on the same page without having to do too much work for it. Were there particular ways that you were able to support Anna during?

27:16
pregnancy. So you say you’re about an hour apart. there physical things you were able to do in terms of helping with time or certain things you were able to pay for to support her? She had a cleaner. So we did that. We sent little like packages of um magnesiums, just, I don’t know. packages? Yeah, Toby’s gesturing to massage. I’m trying to think of the things that we, yeah massages. And you were catching up with each other during the pregnancy, not just at appointments to still spend time together or with her kids?

27:46
It did become like, you know, we did catch up quite a lot during the appointments as well. But we always used it as opportunity to hang out as well, which was, yeah. And we did have some times where it wasn’t just, you know, especially during pregnancy and that it wasn’t just the appointments.

28:03
like date nights almost. Yeah, yeah. But we, you know, even that sort of thing we did talk about beforehand, like how much do we want to see each other? Yes. As Anna said, like I do have my own family and you know, everyone’s different with that, the level of messaging or calling or catch ups or you kind of have to be on the same page. Like what does your friendship look like in terms of that?

28:25
And so what does it look like for your team on average now post-birth how often might you catch up in person? I mean the last time we caught up was Christmas so that’s like December I guess like I don’t know every month or a couple of months like that. month or two. We message all the time. Yeah so there’s messages and swapping photos. We can’t keep up with our group chat anymore. I don’t know what’s happening so yeah. So he’s just a ghost in that sometimes. I often when a surrogate carries for a mother it’s often the two

28:55
women that maintain most of the contact. Yeah and we you know we are very lucky in that we are like she is someone I would call one of my best friends genuinely. oh And I would be friends with her even if she wasn’t like you have to kind of find that person that you would actually hang out with. Yeah I think she’s just the funniest person ever and we yeah that’s good. each other all kinds of just

29:16
silly nonsense and… …dumb at each other’s antics, so. And that’s exactly the advice for many years in the community that we would give is you want to find somebody that you would actually be friends with and enjoy their company. Yeah, yeah. …or arrogance and you fail at it. Otherwise it’s just forced, you know. The chances are though that if you are, you know, if someone is offering to carry your baby, if you think about what you want in a friend, it’s like you’ve got a lot of those bases covered just by talking to someone that’s willing to carry a baby for somebody else.

29:45
As in they’re kind and generous that time. Like you’ve already kind of ticked off half the things you would want in a friend anyway so. Mind you, I’m being devil’s advocate here. You might have ticked them off but what about vice versa? True, yes. What has she ticked off in you? wonder what she was looking for. Perhaps that’s a question I can ask her when I have her on. If there was certain qualities she was looking for in new friends. oh Yeah and that’s the advice I would say also is be yourself, be honest.

30:15
Anna one day when we were hanging out like, I do have ADHD. And you know, she was like, not fazed by that at all. Yep. You’re a spicy household for me too. But don’t hold back on those things that you think, oh, is this going to tarnish your perception of me as a mum and someone you would want to? Do you know what I mean? Cause you have that.

30:35
I don’t, maybe you probably haven’t thought about it, but as an IP, you have this kind of feeling like you need to present yourself in a certain way to… The best version. Yeah. But the thing is, is that’s all going to fall apart down the track when you’re forgetting to text someone back because you have ADHD and you like, I don’t know, do you know what I mean? Like the S- I get it. are going to come out in the end. Absolutely.

30:59
Yep, you can’t keep on the mask forever. And one of my dads that I care for, Brendan, when he came on as co-host, something that he always said is, we were interviewing Anna as much as she was interviewing us. Yeah. Because it’s that idea that I have to be the right fit for them too. And they’ve got to be themselves without the rose coloured glasses on. So I think that’s good advice to find people that you can be yourself around and that you don’t have to, yes, of course, you’re still going to put forward your best version of yourself to start with, but you don’t have to maintain that. Yes. uh

31:29
So you can feel comfortable being in each other’s houses and relaxed around each other. well, we’ve seen in the chat here tonight, Nikita, who’s uh an elder of the community says she loves this team, an absolute inspiration, hashtag so real. ah So I think that’s some beautiful feedback. And so for those listening to this tonight and that’s this episode can hear that you’ve got a really real Australian surrogacy team here and you’ve done it really well. We’re really proud of you guys. Thank you. Are there any last bits of parting advice you’d like to pass on to people or things that

31:59
we haven’t covered that spring to mind. One thing that I did want to say that I don’t think we’ve talked about is if you are an IP, don’t forget to cherish the life that you do have in the meantime. And don’t forget to cherish the partner that you have if you have one because they’re gonna be there through the throes of it afterwards. Live your life and don’t let infertility kind of drown everything.

32:20
Make sure you pause to celebrate the good things that are still there. Do you share that wisdom based on some hurdles that you experienced yourself then? Oh, definitely. Anyone that’s experienced infertility will know that it becomes so all consuming and it’s all you can think about. You’re living your life in two week windows. Yes. And you’re seeing people have babies, all the rest of it. It’s hard to guess. It’s easy to get sucked into that kind of feeling of

32:47
despair and forget that there is such joy in your life still. That’s well said because this thing that you’re working towards and wanting to be parents now keeps getting having all the setbacks. That can be a long journey and the frustrating thing is you don’t know how long that journey is going to take. Nobody can give you that answer. Yeah, at the same time anyone that’s wanted something for a really long time when you get there and you finally have that thing there’s always that like I guess sense of like life is great but if you’ve ever had

33:17
an issue, it doesn’t magically, I guess, fix everything. And you’re right in saying that people can still experience postnatal depression. I think with, you know, some IPs that I’ve spoken to, it does come from that, like, you’ve wanted this thing for so long. Why am I feeling sad? Yes. What if this is everything I wanted in life? Why am I like struggling? For us, life has been beautiful, challenging, all the things. Anna’s not afraid to hear like, oh man, last night was hard.

33:47
like she wants to hear all of those and and I think you kind of hesitate to tell the surrogate like oh like last night was the worst or you know because you don’t want to seem like you’re but they’re friends now so they get it and yes we know we in some ways you know I don’t want to seem ungrateful that I’m struggling at motherhood but at the flip side surrogates actually want to know that you’re going through the same hard things that we went through as a parent and that you love your kid but you don’t like them all the time

34:15
Amelia has been the easiest baby though, I will say she’s beautiful. well done. It sounds like you’ve got a great team there, you did a great journey together and you’re continuing to have a friendship and she’s going to grow up knowing that there’s a village that came together to create her life. Absolutely. Thank you for chatting about it and making it something that is a bit more widespread and known about. You’re welcome. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to collect your story and to create a resource with the podcast and the recording so then we can share it among your friends and family and widely.

34:45
and then for Amelia to listen to in the future. No worries. Thank you for sharing your time with me for this episode. If you’re finding these episodes helpful, please share them with friends. If you’d like to see the images mentioned, head to our YouTube channel for all of the recordings. If you’re looking for more individualized support, consider joining SASS, Surrogacy Australia’s support service, so you can be connected with a mentor and also with me to help guide you on a journey. You might think of me as your Siri for surrogacy.

35:14
Until next time, welcome to the village.