Episode 123 – Em – surrogate

00:14
Welcome to Surrogacy Australia’s podcast series. I’m your host Anna McKie and my aim is to raise the level of awareness of surrogacy through these conversations. This podcast is a recording from a webinar that I host and you can find more details about those and upcoming dates on our website at surrogacyaustralia.org. The webinars are free, go for an hour and we’ll take you through how surrogacy works in Australia. You can ask questions, typing them in anonymously if you prefer.

00:42
and you hear from a co-host who has navigated surrogacy in Australia, either a surrogate, a gay dad, or a straight mum. This episode, recorded in October 2025, features Em. Em and husband Kurt live in Brisbane with their two daughters, and she has birthed two children as a surrogate with plans for a third. The first girl, Alice, was born in March 2022 in Perth for a couple who were friends of Em’s mum. She then offered to be an egg donor for Alex and Carlo,

01:10
but moved to being their traditional surrogate, meaning it was her egg. They had a little girl, Elodie, in December 2024 and have plans for a sibling. Em is also a founding member with Alex and Carlo of ASD, Australian Surrogacy and Donation. And you can find that as a Facebook group and website at au.surrogacy.donation. You can hear from one of the dads she carried for Alex in the next episode, number 124. In this webinar, we did something a little different, something new.

01:40
and it was a surprise for Em. Alex had asked each of Em’s recipients to record a short video thanking Em and saying what she means to them. It’s a beautiful video and I strongly encourage you to watch it yourself as it captures the friendship and love that blossoms between people when doing egg donation and surrogacy. The link is in our show notes or you can find it on their YouTube channel Australian Surrogacy and Donation. I hope you enjoy this episode.

02:07
Im, take us back to the beginning. Why did you want to be a surrogate in the first place and how did you initially connect with that first set of IPs? Initially, so my first set of IPs, their names are Scott and Rochelle. Rochelle used to work with my mum and I can’t remember a time in my life where Scott and Rochelle weren’t a part of it. I’ve known them since I was like eight or something. I honestly can’t remember.

02:27
And then as the years progressed, we got to about 2015 and I sent her a message because I knew that there was things going on. sent her a message and it was just no context, no anything. If you ever need an oven for your bum, let me know. And that was that till 2020. Had you had kids by this point? No. Yes. So you kind of already felt called to be a surrogate because you knew she couldn’t and you wanted to help even before you had kids. So I was 21 at the time. um So and I used to live in WA, so I didn’t meet any of the requirements or anything.

02:57
at the time. So we just tabled it at that and called it a day. I met my husband same year as well, a little bit later on and I’d always been like, oh, I’d like to help XYZ. So I had my first order in 2017 and my second order in 2018 and we were like, that’s us.

03:13
enough’s enough. And then I was trying with the idea of surrogacy outside of Scott Rochelle, decided against it and looked into egg donation. I have a couple of aunts, or I say couple, they are a couple, Tash and Robert in WA and it is a very small world. they also used to work, Tash used to work with my mum, which is just really weird. And I didn’t know until afterwards. they’ve got two beautiful kids and they are amazing parents. And it’s been so nice to see them grow into those roles as well.

03:43
cool. They always send me photos and give me updates and it’s just really nice. But whilst I was sat in the fertility clinic office waiting for whatever I was doing with that egg collection, I got a message from Rochelle, said, do you want to go for coffee? And I messaged her about what it’s about. And yeah, so we

04:01
coffee, have a chat, decided this is something that we wanted to do. And it took us 12 months from when we first spoke to the Fertility Clinic to when we got signed off. So in WA you had to have a group to do it. So I think that consisted of three separate counseling sessions, psychologists, all your medical things and everything else. And then they said, yeah, you can do it. And we were good to go.

04:20
So Rochelle had done one egg collection many moons ago. I think she called him sticky Mickey. He just this lone embryo that was 13 years old. other embryo that she’d created more recently. So we kind of only had one shot and we were lucky enough at it. Wow. Yep. So yeah, so we got very lucky and

04:41
During the pregnancy, COVID kind of just took over, which to be honest, probably robbed us from a lot of the things that we would have liked to do as a team, especially towards the end. ended up being in emergency C-section. She was meant to be a planned C-section, but I went into labor a little bit early. She was breech. And we just had to fight at the end with the hospital to get Rochelle in, to get two rooms, to get our husbands up there. Like it was just, everything felt like such a hassle. I remember sitting in, we were sat

05:11
downstairs from the hospital waiting for our rat test to come back. And I was in labor and she’s like, you’re okay. I’ll these tests hurry up. Cause like, got to get going. It was just like, it was just such a weird time in that team purely because of the circumstances around it. But I look back now and I’m like all of the little things that she did, like she’d have picnics with my girls so that I could just sit in peace. She’d come over. She, her and her mom used to bring us like homemade meals and just like their friendship that evolved through that as well. really cool.

05:39
But not just got Rochelle as parents, but then you get to see their parents become grandparents. You get to see my mum be like, wow, my best friend’s got a baby. Like it’s just, it’s so huge. Like it’s just such a massive thing. It’s really cool to be a part of. Sometimes as a surrogate, when we initially think of doing this to make them parents, it’s that vision of just that couple perhaps or that person. And then you start to that ripple effect of that you’re creating a village and creating memories for many other people as well too. It’s a cool feeling. Yeah, it’s amazing. And then.

06:09
Coming off that high, even though we had to fight the hospital, maybe a few months after I said to my husband, oh, would you let me do it again? He was like,

06:16
Probably not. I was like, it’s a team thing. He had to pick up a look like, and I said to him, what about egg donation? He was like, yeah, for sure. So this would have been, I want to say coming into 2023. And we were like having a chat and I was like, look, this time I’d like to find two dads, like looking to find a anyway, I was a little bit specific of what I wanted. And I went onto the egg donation Australia website and I found Alex and Colin.

06:40
And then I thought, you know what, I’m going to do a little bit more digging. So then I went through all the surrogacy groups on Facebook and did a little stalk and sat on it for a little bit.

06:48
And I reached out to them. said, so I will never be a surrogate again, but I’d like to speak to you about egg donation. I like to like this, I was very, I will not be a surrogate again. I obviously lied. But your, your truth changed and planting a sibling again. Right. So, wow. So we had the conversations around egg donation, what they were looking for, what I was looking for, the level of contact I’d like, like Tash and Robert just set the bar so high. Scott and Rochelle set the bar so high, like it needed to work for

07:18
because I’ve had two really good experiences beforehand. So we got to chatting and then my husband Kurt is a very good secret keeper. And when we were in WA, uh I was playing AFL and we had a breast cancer feature round. the women’s team had like a twilight type thing and it was a big event. And Kurt had spoken to Alex and Carlo and Alex and Carlo had flown over to surprise me at my football game. Wow. It was just amazing. Like for them to take the time out of their busy schedule to come and be like, hey, let’s get to

07:48
you in person type thing because we were interstate was just really cool and they gave like time and patience to my kids like it was just it was really lovely and at the end of the weekend they went home and I was sitting around the island bench with my husband he looked at me and was like would you do anything? I was like would you let me? He’s like yeah so then a little bit like a little while later I got to a surrogate and here we are.

08:10
So to clarify, when your husband Kurt said, would you do it again? He was then referring to the surrogacy. And so was that partly due to the fact that he’d got to know them too, and he thought they were two awesome humans. And it’s like, if you were to do this again, we could help them be a family. And I think the struggles that we went through the first time were all circumstantial. Like it was nothing that like our team was amazing. It was really, really great. It was just COVID. COVID was shit and it was a terrible time.

08:34
There wasn’t going to be a second one of that. In some ways, did COVID rob you of the type of experience that you were hoping for as a surrogate in terms of how much contact and things that they might do during the pregnancy? Is that how you feel a bit robbed by COVID? that what you mean? Not so much. It was just…

08:49
I think to buy it with the medical professionals to get extra people in or like be able to advocate for ourselves is really quite difficult. Like everyone all pitched in, we all got there in the end, but it felt like it wasn’t something that we should have had to do. Yes, that’s fair. Now, interesting though, at the time though, you’re Perth and they’re Brisbane. And so I’m trying to imagine, because I’m not sure how the conversations went that in terms of how we’re going to do this. Now you have told me that Kurt is originally from Brisbane or Queensland. So

09:16
Was there plans to move back to Brisbane in those early chats as egg donor or that came because of this? What was the sequence there? I did not move to countries to have a baby for friends. That’s commitment if it was. Yeah, no, not quite. We already had a plan to move back to Queensland. So I think a couple of months after I had offered, we put it like purchased the property and we were moving within the next few months. It all kind of just happened around.

09:40
Well, because I’m thinking, I’m just thinking off the top of my head here at the time, well, and still currently two dads can’t do, they’re the last state in Australia to do surrogacy. And so you would clearly therefore looking for two dads in another state, were you therefore almost purposely looking at Queensland? Not so much because I was looking for two dads to create embryos. didn’t really matter where I was, if that made sense. Yeah, true. Yeah. guess like the first surrogacy journey, I had so much support from my IP is that if I were to do it again, and I said to the guys, I’m not going to do an interstate journey. There’s just too much going on. I don’t believe.

10:10
that my husband should pick up all the slack. I think my kids should still get the attention and the outings and everything that they are used to. So I wouldn’t be able to do that.

10:20
it just so happened that the egg donation went from that to a surrogacy. Yes. You have summarized that all very succinctly. I’m very impressed. Maybe you’ve told that story a few times before to different people and had to summarize it. You’ve done a great job. We’re going to go to some photos now so people have got a bit of a context for the two for that. The first photo we’ve got here is from the Caesarean birth of the first little girl, Alice. So yeah, talk us through.

10:44
roughly how that went and what do you feel and think when you look at this photo? This photo makes me want to cry every time I look at it and not because Rochelle was holding Alice but moments before this Rochelle was sat there holding my hand and she wasn’t overseeing Alice because she didn’t want to leave me alone.

11:00
It just makes me cry every time. Because she was there to support you, the woman that had grown her baby for her, hey? Yeah, she was like, I’ve waited this long, what’s a little longer? It was just, I remember telling her, get over there, I have this baby for nine months for you to sit here or something along those lines that she cared in that moment about me to just be there for me was really, really cool. That’s beautiful. And then some photos of you guys in the hospital, you having holds with little Alice. Yeah, so they’re in the room next to me, which was really cool. And then obviously COVID times we had masks on when we were leaving. But yeah, it was just there was

11:30
like this is my baby, like you can’t see her yet. If I messaged her, she said hey, can you pop around or whatever, or I’d just walk next door, which was real, like there was no gatekeeping.

11:40
per se. That’s really powerful for IPs and surrogates who are at the beginning to hear that of what that could look like. And then do you remember in those first few months post-birth how often you might have seen each other? So I had some milk for three months for her so we were seeing each other quite regularly still. Great so you were having cuddles and that sort of thing? Yeah yeah I’m not much of a baby person so less of the cuddles mean more of the cuddles for my Yeah fair enough I can understand that too. It was more the joy of seeing them be the parents right? Yeah yeah. Okay and so then life goes on and little Alice grows up a little

12:10
So this is photos of you guys continued catch-ups and things. Yes I think the one on the left was at a cafe that we went to maybe four months, five months. Yep. And the right is Alice’s birthplace. She’s really cool. Yes. And I guess now being interstate, well I guess occasionally you might be back to visit family, but you find other ways to keep in contact I guess with photos or FaceTimes. Yeah, Rochelle always randomly sends me things which is really nice. I guess as well, we like our background wasn’t I’m coming into their life to be a surrogate. So we had like other things

12:40
we talk about like Scott and Kurt talk about rugby or whatever else like he’d go over without me to watch the rugby. oh It was just like the, how do I say this without sounding insensitive? Once I’d handed Alice over life kind of went back to normal for us but we had a niece and nephew and a cousin, oh and me sorry and a cousin for my daughter. Like it was it was really cool.

13:00
Yeah, so it’s important to establish a friendship that’s not just about the surrogacy project. Yeah, Yeah, that’s powerful. Okay, and then we move on to the next team here. And I know that tall gentleman is the very infamous Glenn Sterling at Life Fertility in Brisbane. I saw him at a conference just recently. He did my third egg collection for the Brisbane team, actually. What is interesting about your team is that because you had done the egg donation for them first, is that correct? And so you had been through the egg retrieval process and therefore they’re injected with some sperm and then they’re frozen as embryos. So you as the

13:30
traditional surrogate actually went through the IVF clinic because they had them in the freezer as opposed to navigating home inseminations that’s correct yeah? Yeah so we didn’t we didn’t become a team until I was actually over there doing my egg collection which was interesting.

13:45
There was a whole just like stuff going on in the background that it just, hadn’t committed committed until I was over there with them and it just happened to be that way. So when we were doing all the initial stuff with Dr. Sterling, it was all as an egg donor. And then on the day of surgery, he walks in, he is like, so I hear this has escalated and I’m like, yes, has. Anyone who’s met Dr. Sterling, is a loose cannon in the best way. yes. Yes.

14:10
definitely up for a laugh there. wonderful. And so yes, a photo of their, your whole family then in at the clinic and he’s seen many surrogacy teams and your, your own daughters, they look really happy there. And I’m assuming they’ve understood how surrogacy works. Yep. And I think the openness from like all of my IPs, my recipients has been really helpful in how my girls view it as well. And like even with Scott and Michelle, if I said, can I FaceTime the girls want to see Alice? I’d be on the phone as soon as they put the same as Alex and like Cash and Robert. Everyone’s just really like we, when we

14:40
back in WA we did birthdays, did family picnics, like everyone has helped shape how my girls view surrogacy just by being open and honest and inclusive of them. That’s wonderful and I’ll grow up knowing that families can be made in lots of different ways too.

14:54
100 % yeah. And then we move on through the journey and we’ve got some beautiful maternity photos done here as a team while you’re pregnant as a surrogate. Everyone involved? Yeah, no these ones are really special. I think it was only a week or so before she made her appearance so it was nice to capture that like teen element before it all happened. It all went down. Yes and how many weeks along were you roughly when you birthed Elodie?

15:18
caught you off guard. was my baby number four we forget. I’ve got that data somewhere I could have looked that up. I’d say it was like 38-ish. Yeah well that’s right. and 2 days, there you go. The boys have put it in chat 38 and 2 so yes there was a Brisbane surrogacy catch-up that they had organised from memory and then you went into labour or something and then they couldn’t be there to host it and all the Brisbane people are like oh we probably know what’s going on in their world since they’re not here. Yeah that’s exactly it. Yeah well done.

15:45
And then we’ve got some photos of your girls holding Miss Elodie and yeah, that relationship continues. Is that pretty special when you see your girls holding their girl? It is amazing. And especially now that Elodie is like just nine months old, so she’s sitting up and she’s crawling and my girls are getting involved. You have to excuse their hair. It was, I promised them in the holidays, I could get it done. And I did it about two hours before I went to the hospital. So I didn’t anticipate these pictures with them having wild hair, but it’s amazing to see like,

16:15
Before Elodie was born, Olivia, my youngest, was all about it. And now that Elodie’s a little bit older, it’s Evie who’s like, oh, I want to play with her. Like she’s doing this now. I’ll read her a book. It’s really interesting to see how through the different stages, they’ve both like switched their interests. That’s beautiful. And then just explaining the birth. So you had the Caesarian for the previous one, but how was the birth for Elodie then? It was phenomenal.

16:38
It was the best one so far. think I think I said to the guys, it is 100 % to do with the midwife that we had. So our midwife, her name is Katie. We got very lucky with her. uh She has experience with surrogacy, not through midwifery, so external to that, which was invaluable when we were going through this journey. So she understood that I wanted to be back. She understood the supports that I might need through the labor, but also like through the pregnancy and everything else. So I went into labor on

17:07
Saturday morning. My husband wasn’t here. He was up in Bundaberg for the weekend at wedding and Alex and Carlo had stayed over Friday night and they were coming back Saturday night. They got back around 4pm and I said to them, I think we should go to the hospital. And they were panicking. I’ve never seen two people pack kids’ so fast in my life. So they got the girls sorted. I thought we packed my bag because I was in denial. And we got there. We didn’t go home until it was 4pm. I was in labour when we got into the hospital. They tried to speed things along. Overnight, the next morning they broke

17:37
my waters and that afternoon she was born. So it was quite a long drawn out process, but I think having their support, like constantly checking in on me, having my midwife, Katie, she was constantly checking in as well. She was always there if I needed her and Kurt was there towards the edge as well, which was really, really good. Just everyone worked as a team. Even our birth photographer, Emily, she was phenomenal. So she’s a midwife. I don’t know if you call it by trade. Even when like Elodie was being weighed and everything else, she was like, do you need a snack? Would you like a drink of water?

18:07
can I help you?” Everyone really rallied around me to make it such a peaceful moment. I think with Evie, I had quite a lot of labor and quite traumatic with Olivia, also a traumatic labor. they were cracking me for an emergency C-section, didn’t tell me. And then I had to birth her with no contractions because they’d stopped. So that was quite traumatic. She came out with scratches on her face from where the nurse had literally pulled her out. And then obviously a C-section with Alice wasn’t what we had hoped for, but it’s what we were dealt. So to have Katie there and just really

18:37
me to trust what I needed to do. Like it was, there was no guided pushing, there was no counting me down, no telling me how to fit. It was just so peaceful and I 12 seconds from having Elodie to me saying, I could do this again. And she wasn’t even screaming yet. don’t know. Wow.

18:55
that, who did it first folks? mean, you’re already committed to doing it again, but that’s the power. Like I’ve had, you know, two home births without pain relief. And yeah, I remember after my son’s birth, before I did the surrogacy, I’m like, yeah, I just did that. I could do that again. So.

19:09
surrogates are that little bit crazy but we’re the people that kind of like birth and pregnancy so and this photo here of you holding Elodie after birth you look so fresh and you look kind of really proud of yourself too that you’ve had the birth that you wanted. so that was we actually had visited Life Fertility after lids to present an award to one of the nurses there through the Australian Surrogacy and Donor Awards so we were there doing that and it was just like Elodie was looking around and it was just like

19:34
circle moment to think she started off down the room in the freezer. It was just such a weird concept for me. It was really cool. Yeah, that is a good point there. That full circle moment. Yes. Well, there’s some beautiful photos that you’ve shared with us. So thank you for sharing them. I’ve got something a little bit extra tonight though.

19:50
we’ve never done on the webinar before. That’s a bit of a surprise. So I’ve got some extra stuff to show you here. And so for those that are listening on the podcast, you can catch this video. I’ll put it in the show notes. So we’ve got some extra footage and stuff to show you here, Em. And for those watching and listening, enjoy this. And I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s a really special thing we’ve got here. Who is Em to us? She is firstly a friend. Secondly, she is this incredible being that was able to

20:18
offer us an amazing gift. She is Auntie Em, the LLD. She sure is. I love the energy, the motivation she has and the gold that she always sends. It’s an incredible human being who has not only helped us create our family but also others as well, which is amazing. Yeah, absolutely. She’s taking apart our families. The impact of Em Square our life. Well, she’s given us opportunity to make a new ourselves. Their empathy and generosity.

20:47
You know, was our great-great-great parents and these two beautiful children. And we all really appreciate it. Emma has given us the ultimate prize. Beautiful, lively young daughter, Louise. If it wasn’t for that text message back in 2015, we would been happy. We’d be joking today. And made our dream of having a family come real. Everyday life’s been changed forever. She’s given us everything that I’ve always wanted for nearly two decades now as well. Always ever so grateful.

21:15
Everything that Anne and her family have helped us achieve. What Anne’s done for us is truly, truly incredible and life changing. It’s been an absolute blessing, so very lucky. Words just can’t describe how much Anne means to us about her and missing Paris and what we’ve through together. Love you. Love you. So thank you, Anne. You meant well to us. Thank you. Yeah, thanks Anne. Well, there you go, Anne. I bet Alex is behind that. Yeah. Yes, you have.

21:45
Alex and Carlo are some pretty special IPs that they placed that video together and very recently got those the first set of surrogacy team you carried for and the egg donor family to put that together so that they could all speak and

21:58
and share that with you. And I am surrounded by some very amazing people. All of them are so lovely. Yeah. It’s credit to all of you that the friendship that you’ve all made together. And I think for me and people listening, they all saying, love you, you know, and saying out loud the care and the love there to think that for some of these people who are all strangers to start with, you know, the friend of your mum’s, you know, friend of, but you know, that she has love for you too. And you guys have it vice versa. This is how surrogacy and donation can look in Australia and see modern families. And I think, yeah.

22:28
I enjoyed just watching the screen of you watching that video during that because seeing it hit at different points in time and seeing the kids involved and them calling you Auntie M and those sorts of things.

22:39
had some beautiful messages in the chat saying it’s a beautiful video and you’re amazing and yes, lots of love coming through. We’ll obviously get you the link to that. Well, let us answer a few questions. I’m just going to say, I’m looking at the number of attendees and I’m not afraid to say it. We’ve got 32, we were at 33. Well, that is the highest number we’ve had at a surrogate webinar in years, possibly since I’ve started in four and a half years. So look, well done, Em.

23:04
You’ve broken my records and for people listening if next fortnight is well, I’m not sure if both the lads coming on. usually just have one co-host. So could just be Alex, but you’ll get to hear from the people that M carried for and is going to carry again. They’re coming on to share their story. And that’s a very perfect time to mention that as I said in the intro, M is one of the founders with Alex and Carlo of Australian Surrogacy and Donation. There’s a Facebook page of the same name. And for the second year in a row now in the week of October, starting the 19th, they are running a

23:34
week to celebrate surrogacy and donation in Australia, all types of surrogacy, but even if you’re investigating surrogacy overseas and all of your options, there’s some webinars, there’s recordings that you can access, bedtime stories for kids. It kicks off with the big picnic on the Sunday leading into it across Australia. There’ll be local catch-ups and it finishes with the gala night on the Saturday night in Brisbane this year. There’s voting has opened for that now for different categories for organizations and individuals. So uh look that up and or join the Facebook group and I

24:04
hope I’ve done a bit of an accurate summary there. there anything else you’d like to add about the ASD? I think it’s just a really good opportunity to get behind to the community. There’s so many ways to make a family through surrogacy and we’re not about to segregate anyone. Everyone is welcome, whether you’ve been through surrogacy in Australia, surrogacy overseas, donation, if you’re a donor yourself, we want everyone involved because community is 100 % what makes it worthwhile. Spot on. Well, let’s answer a couple

24:34
of these questions. Stelios asks thank you for co-hosting and what caught your attention when looking for IPs? So obviously with my first IPs I knew them so it was just that was a no-brainer for me but with Alex and Carlo we had other things in common other than

24:48
being sorry, so yes, we had the egg donation side of things there, but we have interests and like other things outside of all of that. So building a friendship based on commonalities rather than what I can give them or what they could get from me was really important. And the fact that a lot of our conversations weren’t

25:05
always about a donation or surrogacy or anything like that. was getting to know each other on a genuine level and thinking, would I invite these people around for dinner? Or is it like probably something that’s a little bit transactional? So for me, it was finding genuine IPs who fit with me. I wasn’t

25:20
going to just say yes to anyone. And they also weren’t going to say yes to anyone. says surrogate either. think I said to Anna earlier, it’s so important to know that as an IP, you can walk away. Like, yes, you want a family, you want children, want XYZ. But if it’s not the right team, you’re not going to have the journey that you want. And it will have a lasting impact not only on you and your partner, if you have a partner, but for your child as well. So it’s, think one of the biggest things is pick your IPs based on your compatibility as friends. that download track, you have that the

25:50
and then the story for your child to have to. And absolutely that’s powerful to hear that both IPs and surrogates can say no to each other if it’s not the right fit. I think that’s helpful to hear that what drew you to your IP so things in common. That probably leads to one of the other questions that somebody’s asked essentially about they need a surrogate.

26:07
Where do they start? I have mentioned in terms of there’s an IP webinar that you can come to. There are Facebook groups. Is there anything that you’d like to add suggestions for IPs at the very beginning? I think going to the local catch-ups is important if you can. Seeing how IPs interact in a group environment is really interesting. And I say that in the nicest way possible. So I’ve got friends who are IPs that I’ve met in a catch-up that I wouldn’t have met otherwise, but are now quite good friends.

26:35
to be able to support them in their journey as well. ah So just going to the catch-ups, meeting people, you might not meet your surrogate that day, but making an impression on someone else so that when someone goes, hey, do you know of any IPs that are like pretty good? We’ll be like, oh my God, here’s all these people that we think would make great parents. the networking and getting out there is really important. Totally agree.

26:55
kind of have to get out there and be seen even if you don’t meet your potential surrogate on that first or second catch-up other people will meet you and and they’ll put in good words for you and that’s why I encourage people to come to our zoom monthly catch-up so there is one next Friday night we’re doing an extra one before the um

27:11
monthly the ASD week. So yeah consider coming along next Friday that would be a great spot to start. Hope that helps that person there and start with by attending our IP webinar. Corey asks what are the benefits of gestational surrogacy versus traditional surrogacies? Is that something that you could answer to Em? I don’t know if there’s any benefit to be honest. I guess quite a large underlying factor would be if you carry any hereditary genetic predispositions as a surrogate like as a traditional surrogate obviously anything that you carry could be passed

27:41
along to the baby. So that might be deciding factor if you go traditional versus gestational. But for me, there wasn’t really any difference. I don’t look at Elodie knowing that she is genetically related to me and go, oh, that’s my child. She’s just Elodie. There has been no difference between each surrogate baby. Great answer. And I’m guessing sometimes that question comes from IPs or even surrogates at the beginning going, do you think you’re any more attached to the child because they were genetically yours? And I think you’ve said no. uh not. Yeah, it’s really powerful to hear though if you’re brand new.

28:11
isn’t it? Corey also asked if there is a surrogate and an egg donor whose names go on the birth certificate as parents. For me that’s what happened in my situation and I’ve got Baker’s birth certificate here in my cupboard. Funnily enough on the back it says sperm and egg donor and

28:25
The sperm donor is one of his actual dads, but gets listed as the sperm donor. And so I think that helps to answer that question. I don’t know if you can remember on any of the surrogate babies birth certificates what’s listed. So for both of them, they just had Kurt and I until the parentage order went through. um

28:41
Yes, so the surrogate and her partner go down as the first set of parents and then you can have two dads on the second birth certificate. Yeah. Yeah. So that’s a cool thing in Australia. Maybe a question for me. Alexander asks, is it possible to get a recording of this webinar? Would love to share it with their partner who couldn’t join. So this part of the webinar, this second half, the part with the co-hosts each time. Absolutely. They are kept as a recording. I’m editing it tomorrow morning. So that’ll be on YouTube tomorrow and podcast, I believe that’s coming out this Monday coming.

29:07
Oh no, I think it’s the one after actually. So if you subscribe to the series, then you’ll be alerted to that. oh But if it’s the information part, you’ll need to attend that on another fortnight. Okay, so that answers that. Well, as we get close to wrapping it up, is there anything else that you’d like to add about your journey or about the pregnancies that we haven’t covered? I mean, there’s so many things we could talk about, like terms of how was the pregnancy or the types of supports, but anything this brings to mind? Just being an advocate for each other as a team, as individuals, as just people in general. So obviously,

29:37
Some people come into surrogacy with medical reasons that they can’t carry their own child. Just being mindful with the way you express. Yes, you can complain that your knee’s hurt and your back’s sore and everything else, but just maybe being mindful that your I am.

29:52
intended mother might literally kill to be in that vision. Like just being mindful that we’re all human, we’ve all got emotions, we’re all going to have shitty days, but going into bat for each other time after time. when someone’s not feeling so great or they need extra support and whatever, being there for them and knowing they’ll be there when you need it. Like I had a couple of small, like in the scheme of things, very minor medical issues towards the end of my last pregnancy. And Alex and Karlo went into bat every day until I got what I needed. And same as Rochelle and Scott, when we had the whole hospital issue, they went into bat.

30:22
every day until I got what I needed and vice versa for them just being open and honest and just the communication. I think it’s Carlo that says to me, if in doubt, counsel it out. So go and speak to your counselor. don’t know. I think it was Carlo that always says that to us. And invaluable. Just having that third party to take a step back and take the emotions out of things is really, needed it, but just in case it would be nice. So did you need any ongoing counseling during the pregnancy at all? So it’s got Michelle, nothing we didn’t do and we didn’t need it.

30:52
and Carlo we also didn’t need it but it was pre-booked in so I thought I may as well speak to her anyway. Sure and was that the counselor that you had used for the mandatory in the lead-up? Yes, yeah. Yeah, wonderful. Okay well I think we’ve summed it up there I suppose if anybody’s got any other questions you could come in two weeks time when the dads are co-hosts and then ask the questions on that webinar through them so thank you everyone for your support. Look at all that love on the chat there, it’s wonderful. Thanks everyone. Thank you everyone, good night.

31:21
Thank you for sharing your time with me for this episode. If you’re finding these episodes helpful, please share them with friends. If you’d like to see the images mentioned, head to our YouTube channel for all of the recordings. If you’re looking for more individualized support, consider joining SASS, Surrogacy Australia’s support service, so you can be connected with a mentor and also with me to help guide you on a journey. You might think of me as your Siri for surrogacy. Until next time, welcome to the village.