Episode 147 – Brie – surrogate

00:14
Welcome to Surrogacy Australia’s podcast series. I’m your host Anna McKie and my aim is to raise the level of awareness of surrogacy through these conversations. This podcast is a recording from a webinar that I host and you can find more details about those and upcoming dates on our website at surrogacyaustralia.org. The webinars are free, go for an hour and we’ll take you through how surrogacy works in Australia. You can ask questions, typing them in anonymously if you prefer.

00:42
and you hear from a co-host who has navigated surrogacy in Australia, either a surrogate, a gay dad, or a straight mum. This episode featuring surrogate Brie was recorded in April, 2026. Brie birthed as a surrogate in Brisbane in February, 2025 for her brother Brendan and his wife Laura. They had a little boy, Mason, and the journey was a long distance one with the IPs living in Penrith, New South Wales. Brie lives with her husband and three children

01:10
and she has connected with many other surrogates through in-person catch-ups and the online communities. You can hear from Brie’s sister-in-law, Laura, in the episode number 111. In this episode, Brie mentions Brisbane lawyer Stephen Page and his book When Not If. And we covered other topics about having a cesarean where the IPs are not in the birthing room, but rather meet their baby in recovery so the surrogate can do handover.

01:36
We talked about the importance of that handover moment for Brie and for surrogates generally. Having other surrogates to connect with from the national community so you can share your experience with others who are at similar stages of pregnancy and a classic comment from surrogates who shy away from the praise from others about being a surrogate. Brie said, I know logically it’s a big deal, but if I can help somebody, why wouldn’t I? I hope you enjoyed this episode.

02:01
We have Brie with us and we’re going to hear about her beautiful story. We’ve had her sister-in-law Laura on before episode 111 on the podcast series. So Brie ultimately offered to your brother and his wife to be their surrogate. And there was a conference that you went to.

02:15
this um

02:45
into surrogacy not as in-depth as…

02:48
Sass and everything, but just if it was possible, spoke to my husband who was against it. It wasn’t a hard no, but he had his concerns and he said that I could offer. So I did. I FaceTime them and said, I can’t even remember the words that I said, but it was along the lines of, know, what if I carried like, what if we transferred your embryo into me and I carried the baby for you? They hadn’t even thought about surrogacy. They, like it hadn’t crossed their mind. They’d looked at adoption and they’d looked at different donor pathways and things like that, but they hadn’t looked at

03:18
it’s surrogacy. And so then my brother started looking into it and he saw the growing families, I think it is, conference. And he said, how about we all go to this? So he paid for us to go down there with them. And we spent the Saturday going to different seminars and listening to different people talk and things like that. My sister in law, Laura was feeling really disheartened and she was starting to think it’s not going to happen.

03:43
This isn’t going to work. We’re not going to be able to do this. Something’s going to stop it. Something’s going to happen. And she was just starting to get really against it all.

03:51
And then we sat down with Stephen Page and he told us all about his book about when not if and it was it was just after that conversation with him that she started feeling better again and more hopeful and I jokingly said to her like I tapped her on the forehead and I’m like, yeah, let’s go and get it tattooed on your forehead now and and then she laughed and then we sort of said why don’t we go and get it tattooed maybe not on our foreheads, but you know somewhere and so we were walking through

04:21
the city. The boys had no idea they were behind us. We’re walking through the city looking for a tattoo shop that was open and then we just pulled up out front of this mall.

04:30
and just walked in and turned around to them and said, we’re getting tattoos. And they paid for my tattoo. My brother was like, well, you’re not paying for it. It’s, know, you’re only getting it because of this whole thing. yeah, they paid for them. And then, and then we went to the AFL and got drunk. So was good. Wonderful. Well, yeah, that’s, that’s fantastic.

04:51
Memorable trip and I reckon I was at that conference because I remember when that particular one that Stephen Page was there so we were ships passing in the night I reckon. um That’s fantastic. Yes, I do remember you talking. Well, there we go. I think we had some great panels that year of parents and I think even some children spoke as well from memory. anyway. Yes.

05:09
Yes. Okay, so then give us a time frame from that that was a middle of the year conference because they are often around June, July-ish and then I suppose from that point in time you pushed on and you did the counseling and the paperwork and then heading towards embryo transfers? No? Well, I’m trying to have a look at what set of photos that we’ve got here. The next photo is embryo transfer days. Yeah, it’s lot that happens in between. Yeah, so that was June of 23. Yes. Then there was a big break because they lost their their

05:39
They got some bad news. The idea was for them to create more embryos before we entered an agreement because that’s what everyone recommended. And their egg donor fell pregnant before that could happen.

05:52
And so that really pushed things back for Laura and that upset her quite a bit. And then they lost their puppy. So everything was on hold until January, February, I think it was in 2024. Then we started all the legals and the counseling and stuff. And then this photo was transfer day, which was the 30th of May. So it was still quite big, but there was a break from when we first spoke about it and the conference and everything to, it was about a year, but there was a good six, seven, eight months where

06:22
there was nothing to do with surrogacy between us and then it all just went really fast. Yes, which can happen. I feel like we cheated. I like we cheated. I do because it did go so smoothly, so fast, you know, even just hearing about your story and all, you know, the quarantine and the dating and the paperwork and the counselling. I’m like, we didn’t, we didn’t have that.

06:47
Well, you did have the counseling and legal and technically the embryos would have been quarantined but I think what you’re saying is it felt it was also smooth you weren’t having any challenges together as a team. No, no. Well that’s great I’m pleased it went smoothly because it can it shows people it can go smoothly. Yes. Particularly if you know each other. well let’s move through these photos and so work first embryo transfer is that correct? Yes, so they only had the one and I’d said to them

07:12
I’m happy to proceed if you are, you know, and if it doesn’t, we can talk about that then. But if it does, then it does kind of thing. had faith in my body. My two boys are IVF babies. uh So I’ve been through frozen transfers before and I had a lot of faith in my body in that respect. And so that’s why I was like, I was happy to go ahead with one embryo. know a lot of people aren’t, but yeah, I was cause it’s, wasn’t, I wasn’t new to this whole thing. Yeah, that makes sense. And then sometimes the question I ask it

07:42
the end is would you do it again? But I guess if they haven’t got any more embryos, they’re one and done. They’re one and done. And I don’t think I could do it for a stranger. just, just don’t. Right. So that says that you could have done it for them again, you potentially, potentially, but because it went so smooth and everything, don’t know how my husband would feel about it. But he he, he came around big time after the conference, after spending the weekend with them, listening to some of the panels, he came around big time and he was sort of like, he was a

08:12
same as me. I didn’t enjoy being pregnant at all with any of my three. ah But wanting to give my brother a baby trumped any of that. Yeah, trumped it massively. And my husband started to like he was like, this is bigger. This is bigger than

08:25
my concerns for your health and stuff like that. yeah. As you say, it’s pretty big. It’s the gift of life. I think in some ways uh we’re different as surrogates. I quite enjoyed being pregnant and giving birth and I wanted to do that again. But in some ways I think it’s hats off to you even more when pregnancy wasn’t so great for you, but you did it anyway to be a surrogate. It’s like, well done sister. And I knew that it would be my fourth C-section. My body wasn’t made for natural birth in any way, shape or form. oh

08:54
it would be a fourth C-section and I think that scared my husband a little bit as well. But I spoke to my doctors before I offered and I said to them, can I do it? And my obstetrician said, yeah, like you heal really well. It’s all good. You know, we don’t have any concerns. And then I said to my brother and Laura, when I offered for me to do this, I need to go privately through my obstetricians who delivered my three. So, they were fine with that. Yes. And I think most IPs would be whatever suits you. They’re so grateful. um And so you were a long distance team. And so

09:25
There was some pregnancy announcements. How often did they fly up to you during the pregnancy? The major scans and stuff, I’m guessing? Yeah, major scans. We flew down for Christmas 2024 because my husband’s family’s in Sydney. So we flew down for Christmas.

09:40
spent some time with them and we had one of the scans, the growth scan at the same time that we were down there. So it saved them a bit of money. And we also drove down for the baby shower and the gender reveal. yeah, it was every couple of every month or so every couple of months that we would see each other through the pregnancy. So that was good. Some photos here of the baby shower and just other uh catch-ups. I’m guessing that’s sort of some photos of them being, you know, Auntie and Uncle to your kids, which is a pretty special thing too. We have a tradition in our family.

10:09
each of our kids, we’ve gone down to Sydney, because we’re from Sydney. So we’ve taken them to Sydney to Taronga Zoo for their second birthday, because we love that zoo so much. We’ve driven down Christmas and

10:21
We were driving home just before New Year’s. My daughter’s birthday, she was turning two on the 6th of January. So we went a little bit early and I was very heavily pregnant. And so Laura spent the day carrying her around while I carried Mason around. So yeah. That’s beautiful. And so obviously it’s a family connection there. And so was the baby shower with friends and family a fairly joyful event because everybody was so happy and excited? Oh, yeah. Yeah. They have a uh massive support network.

10:51
there so and everyone’s been waiting for this for them for so long. he your older brother? Yes. Yeah. Yes and so sometimes being the older brother sometimes their kids come first but you know but then if because of they were having challenges then it didn’t work out that way did it? Yeah that’s exactly right. And what’s happening in this photo here? That’s just another another photo from the day you can see how pregnant I am there. For Luna’s

11:15
birthday but yeah just down at Taronga and the two girls on the far right are my best friend and her daughter so they always come to celebrate my kids second birthday at Taronga Zoo and yeah Laura just she had to carry Luna around so much that day. but yeah that’s well that’s everybody pitching in and helping out and and that’s yeah it’s great for Mason to grow up and see these photos and say that’s me in your tummy. Yeah exactly exactly. And moving through the photos here that brings us to the day of birth so obviously being a plan

11:45
C-section it meant everybody could plan the trip and the time of them coming up. How long did they arrive before birth and how long did they stay post-birth? They arrived about four or five days before. I think it was like I finished work on the Friday, they arrived on the weekend and I had him the following Thursday. I work right up. I get too bored otherwise especially like he wasn’t mine so I had nothing to prepare. I had no clothes to wash and I had nothing to do so I was like I’m gonna work as long as I can.

12:14
They came up the weekend and then we had him on the Thursday and they stayed for about two and a half, three weeks afterwards. And they were able to just stay up in the granny flat where we live. So it was really, really good. And so when you look back at these photos of birth, hey, seeing the little boy.

12:30
that you brought into this world and seeing your brother become a dad, what do you think and feel when you look at these photos? Um, Joy, I’m like seeing them as parents was so good. They weren’t able to be in the room in the birth room because where we birth operating theaters were small. We could only have a max of two people and I, I needed my husband there with me to hold my hand with the big needle in my back and all that kind of stuff. I, don’t handle anesthesia well or anything like that. I needed him. So, and they were okay with that. And I didn’t want.

13:00
One of them to be there and one of them to miss it kind of thing either. They came and met us in recovery though. And that’s where the handover happened. If anyone’s on the surrogacy Facebook page, my videos on there, if you search my name. my husband recorded that whole thing. everyone in the recovery was passing out tissues. Everyone was crying. It was, it was really, really sweet. So, then my husband couldn’t stay cause my daughter was sick. So he had to come home and look after the kids. So they stayed in the room with me. Well, Laura stayed in the room with me.

13:30
and Brendan came and went each day and it was nice to spend that time with them and see them be parents and be there if they needed any help or anything like that. was yeah it was really good. Beautiful yeah indeed it’s often that’s a really special time spending those days together in hospital and having lots of little cuddles with him too and so this particular hospital has this frame that you can stand there to have photos together and yeah yeah we we saw that on the way out as we were leaving so quickly took some photos. Laura is a big photo person. Okay.

14:00
God help Mason. There’ll be thousands of them.

14:04
Oh yeah. And then this photo is in this on the day that they’re about to head back down south? Close, yeah I think so. It was just the one on the right with me holding Mason that was just another another day. I think that was the day we actually had his newborn shoot which it was a uh couple of days before they left. It wasn’t very nice weather towards the end of them leaving. Okay the things you remember hey. And then a photo of each of your kids holding him. That’s pretty special isn’t it to see your kids loving on him which was also a baby that you carried. Oh

14:34
The eldest on the left and the youngest on the right were smitten from the get-go. Can I hold him? Can I hold him? Can I hold him? Especially Luna. She was born to be an older sibling. Unfortunately, she never will be because no thanks. I really resonated with you saying that IPs get scared that we want to keep the baby and we don’t. I’m like, no, we don’t. Yes, we don’t want to raise any more.

14:59
I’m glad that she got to have him for a few weeks. Like, yeah, she was just obsessed, but the middle one you’ll, you’ll see that he’s not quite holding him there. Laura’s hands on him. He was a bit scared. He was a bit scared at first. And this was actually like, I think two nights before they left. And that was the first time and the only time that he held him. but yeah, he was very happy that he got to, but he was very, he was like, no, I’m going to, I’m going to break him. And I’m like, you’re not going to break him. Yeah. They love him.

15:28
They love Bubba Mason. And it’d be interesting as he grows up and so some photos of him growing up here to watch the bond between them develop as the cousins, how that might change and grow over time. Oh yeah, definitely. We FaceTime a lot. Whenever we FaceTime, the kids are always on the phone more than us. So yeah, it’s nice. That’s great. Do your kids have language for it? Is he like a tummy cousin or he’s just a cousin, I suppose, because he actually physically is? Yeah, they’re just actual cousins, which I think is good because it’s not as confusing. It’s good.

15:58
heard any of your children describe what you did to anybody else? um Sort of. Sorry. This is good. think I’ve asked a good question. Santino had his birthday, his birthday is also in January and he had a birthday party last year when I was two weeks out from giving birth, three weeks out and one of his friends, is your mum pregnant?

16:23
And Fino said, yeah, but it’s not ours. And then just walked away.

16:29
And I was like, oh mate, you’ve got to explain that. And the kid just looked at me and I was like, I didn’t know what to say. And I was like, oh, I’m having a baby for somebody else. And he goes, oh, and then he walked away too. And I just, yeah, it was a funny thing. I’ve just saw my son said it. was like, yeah, but it’s not ours. And then just left the conversation. So yeah, most of the time they’ll say to people, know, mommy, that’s, that’s uncle Brendan’s baby in there, like kind of thing. yeah, they, they did know, they did understand. I told them from the beginning, we’ve always been very honest.

16:59
Yeah, I think kids are pretty good. They understand it and hence that it wasn’t a problem for him to say, yeah, it’s not ours, we’re not keeping it because that’s perfectly normal. In your household, it’s perfectly normal to grow babies for other people and give them to them at the end, whereas that’s not traditionally done in other people’s houses. I remember my kids were four and six and my six year old daughter, one of her friend’s mums was pregnant and she asked them or the friend, she’s like, and are you keeping the baby? Because in our household, we don’t necessarily keep babies just because mum’s pregnant.

17:29
Yeah, the kids. Yeah. You mentioned your husband had some reservations at the beginning. Could you expand on that a little more if you remember what some of his concerns were? Was it the pregnancy didn’t go so well for you or the C-section or other things? Yeah, he didn’t like seeing me sick. He didn’t like seeing me in pain. He just planned for worst case scenario, I guess, in his head. you know, being older this time around, you know, the chances of those things happening were higher. He also was worried about a fourth C-section.

17:57
But we spoke about it all and you know, yeah. Yeah. Well done working through all of that together and addressing his concerns. I think it was really valuable that he went to that conference then, not just you. Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. And he could see people who had had their lives changed by surrogacy and hearing from the parents and the surrogates and going, okay, there might be some hard times, but it’ll be worth it for what we can do as a family. Yeah, definitely. I’m guessing he’s pretty proud of you now. Oh, so proud. Yeah. And as a family. Yeah. I mean, I really struggle.

18:28
I struggled the whole pregnancy and I still struggle with people complimenting me on it. Yes, I do too. They’re like, that’s amazing. It’s not that like, it’s like, know, I know logically it is a big deal, but at the same time to me, it’s just, if I can help somebody, why wouldn’t I? And that’s what I said to my husband. We said this from the beginning when we had to go through IVF.

18:51
From the get go, it was if we can help other people, we want to do that. We donated our remaining embryos. We offered to Brendan and Laura, we carried for them. I’ve actually just offered to donate my eggs to the same couple. We donated our embryos because they’ve had a bit of a hard trot as well. I just feel like it’s common decency to help if you can. uh I do understand that there’s different complexity in it and all that kind of stuff, but it’s just, yeah. So I really struggle. Everyone’s like, oh, it’s amazing. um

19:21
thing. you. I’m really awkward about it. I think that’s really common amongst surrogates. just feels like, it was in my capacity to do and if you can help somebody, I know it’s an extreme case of helping. It’s different to carrying some grocery bags for an old lady, but I just felt it was in my capacity to do or try to Yeah. And so it’s modeling great things to your own kids too. Yeah. Often for surrogates in the information part, I talked about this, it’s that handover moment that’s often that payment because we’re not

19:51
getting paid. And so for you, you know, having that caesarean and I’ve heard of other surrogates who do that too, you plan that handover in the recovery room. it the same for you was planning that handover important and did those plans evolve during the pregnancy or that everyone was on the same page to start with? No. So I mentioned that it was quite important to me to my brother and Laura. We had a group chat from the beginning and my brother came back and I think he rang me and he was like,

20:19
Laura is a bit upset, bit, you know, I don’t know what he said. think hesitant, maybe he just said that, you know, she, she wants to be the first one to hold Bob. And I said, okay, but I don’t want to bond with him before she does. I just, it’s important for me to be the one.

20:35
to hand him to you guys. said, if she has, I got a bit emotional. I got a bit hormonal. I’ll admit that. you pregnant at the time? A little bit snappy, a little bit snappy. said, it’s fine. I’ll just, if you want a nurse to hand him to you, that’s fine. We can just do that. A nurse can give him to you. And he was like, oh, like, I think when I said it like that, he was like, oh, that’s really impersonal. Then he was like, no, no, no. I see where you’re coming from now. And they sort of spoke about it. And then he was like, no, we would really like you to hand him to us in recovery.

21:05
So they came around once, yeah, I snapped a bit and I was like, fine. And this was while you were pregnant, as opposed to in the lead up. And I think that’s a great, great example of the learning of surrogacy teams continues during the pregnancy. Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. Were there any other examples like that that you can think of that some of the goalposts shifted during pregnancy or none? it’s because we cheated. I love that you’re saying this.

21:35
So basically everything else went fairly smoothly. Yeah. Did you have any issues asking for the things that you needed, either things to be paid for or for them to help with, or they were on the front foot with it all? No. So I still had all of my maternity clothes for my kids. I didn’t need anything. I had my pregnancy pillow. I had compression stockings. I had pregnancy shorts. I had everything. And then in terms of food, I live with mum. So if I’m tired to cook, she cooks. Right.

22:05
You know what I mean? Like, if I’m too tired to look after the kids, she picked up the slack. Between her my husband…

22:11
I didn’t need a lot. So, the things that I did need and you know, the scans and stuff, I opened up a bank account with the same bank as them just so that transfers went through immediately. That was it. And then I had a card and if I needed any, if I did need anything, I did ask and Brendan would just like straight away he’s like, yep, here’s this, I’ve just put this money on the card kind of thing straight away. So. Although they had a very long journey to get to parenthood and spent a lot on medical appointments and IVF. Once they finally got to surrogacy with you, you were a pretty cheap surrogate. Yeah, I tried to be.

22:41
I think because I knew their struggles and I knew what it had cost them and again having been through IVF and all that sort of stuff myself, I know the costs and like going down for the gender reveal, going down for the baby shower, we chose to drive instead of fly.

22:57
And they paid for our petrol, was not like it is now. So that was good. ah but yeah, so that, you know, our whole family could go down and celebrate with them and not just me kind of thing. And that was important for me. Like I, I wanted to include kids, obviously flying pregnant with three children is a nightmare. Driving’s not much better. I won’t lie, but it’s cheaper. yeah, like little things like that combining, you know, we booked the, the, the growth scam while we were in Sydney for Christmas to save them money instead of coming home and then.

23:27
them flying up a week later. Yeah. I tried. Yeah. Yeah. But like I never felt like I was out of pocket or like I I never felt like I wasn’t receiving enough from them. Sure. Good. If that makes sense. Yeah. So you feel like your cup was full. Yes. Yeah. Well I think that’s just about a beautiful spot to end. But is there anything else that springs to mind that we haven’t covered or any particular advice that you’d like to pass on?

23:51
people at the beginning? No, just have conversations with people because Brennan and Laura knew nothing about surrogacy. Yeah, it wasn’t until I offered to do that, but also, you know, I think a lot of people keep their fertility journeys and stuff very close to their chest and I do get that side of it. I was a little bit the same, but at the same time, if no one knows you’re going through it, no one can offer to help. So catch 22, I guess. Yes. And it’s that power of vulnerability.

24:16
Often people do like to help in whatever ways it could be things or big things, but if they don’t know you need help, they can’t offer. Yeah. Well said. as Nikita has written in chat there that she’s had a baby for strangers, she’s in the process of doing it for other strangers. And as she has sort of echoed what you’re saying there, Bri, get involved in your community. think that’s really powerful what you said about chat to other IPs and surrogates and learn what’s out there. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. You found a lot of value, I’m assuming, having connected with other surrogates. Oh yeah. I couldn’t have done it without, especially Jess and

24:46
storm. was closest with them. And I think it was just because we all gave birth within a week of each other. Yes. We were all very, very close. think Jess and I were actually three days. I had Mason on the six and she had her Mason on the nine. We were very, very close. but I, yeah, there was a lot that I wouldn’t have been able to get through without those two. So it was good to have them. And then I wasn’t dumping on my husband or my brother all the time, which was nice. was plus, you know, they’re boys. it was nice. For me, was something

25:16
about those particular Surro sisters who birthed around the same time and either I was a few weeks ahead of somebody or I was a few weeks behind and so there’s people going through the exact same roller coaster that you’re going through at that moment in time. think it’s really powerful. definitely. I just wish that we were all close up but that’s okay. Thank you for sharing your time with me for this episode. If you’re finding these episodes helpful please share them with friends. If you’d like to see the images mentioned head to our YouTube channel for all of the recordings.

25:46
If you’re looking for more individualised support, consider joining SASS, Surrogacy Australia’s support service, so you can be connected with a mentor and also with me to help guide you on a journey. You might think of me as your Siri for surrogacy. Until next time, welcome to the village.