Episode 33 – How does it feel to give away a baby?

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How does it feel to give away a baby? Amazing is the answer from most surrogates. Let me share answers to that from three surrogates. From Jess, “for me, I never felt as if I was giving a baby away, I was returning what was always theirs. I was just lucky enough to keep their baby safe for nine months, so placing their baby in their arms was a sense of relief, a job well done I suppose.” From Hayley.

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“Once he arrived in this world, it was amazing to know that I had grown this big, beautiful, healthy baby boy and we always knew that he was never going to come into our family. It was a lovely moment to give him to his mum and dad.”

From Rachel, “I never felt that I was giving a baby away. I always looked at it as though I was giving a baby back. I went into this amazing experience with the mindset that I was taking care of my friend’s baby. The joy on their faces made everything worthwhile.”

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For me, and many surrogates I’ve spoken with over the years, we don’t see it as giving away a baby, we see it as creating a family. Handing the baby over is the moment we dream of, a bit like in The Lion King where they’re holding up baby Simba. That was the moment I dreamt of, when I could hand my friends their baby boy. And wow, what a moment that was for everyone in the room. So much joy. Not to say that there aren’t hard parts of surrogacy, of course there are. And there are hormones post-birth to navigate because

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Although our head and our heart know what we did and that baby is safe, our body doesn’t get that memo. That’s why it’s important for our bodies to have lots of cuddles with Surrobub in the days, weeks and months post-birth. If a surrogate is teary, I guarantee you it’s not because she wants the baby back. It would be due to the hormones fluctuating and her adjusting to the end of the major project in her life that was surrogacy and finding the next project. Maybe you’ve experienced similar sorts of feelings of deflation,

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or feeling lost at the end of say a grand final in sport or after a music production or after you’ve been on a holiday that was years in the planning. Surrogates might feel deflated too after the project of surrogacy ends but it doesn’t mean we want the baby back. Most surrogates feel called to be a surrogate and we just know it’s something that we can do. I wonder if any potential surrogates listening, I wonder if you feel the same. If you’d like to hear from three surrogates, there is a video in the style of the show, You Can’t Ask That, which I’ll provide a link for.

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or search in YouTube for interview with a surrogate. This video is for you if you’re thinking about being a surrogate and have some concerns and want to hear from real surrogates, you are an intended parent, IP, and you’re wondering who are these women that are surrogates and you want to share with your friends and family that you’re learning about surrogacy but you’re not sure how to tell them, then check this video out. Community member and dad through surrogacy, Tyson, has worked hard to plan and edit this interview with three surrogates from Australia. It’s a great resource to share.

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If you’re considering being a surrogate, please head to our website, surrogacyaustralia.org, to read more about SASS, Surrogacy Australia’s support service, where we can connect you with intended parents or support your current surrogacy team during a journey. Until next time, welcome to the village.