Episode 120 – Sylva – straight mum

00:13
Welcome to our podcast series with Surrogacy Australia. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and in turn for helping us spread awareness and appreciation for surrogacy. I’m your host Anna McKie and these recordings are from a regular webinar series that I run. You can find upcoming dates on our website at surrogacyaustralia.org. During the one hour webinars I will walk you through the surrogacy process in Australia and you can type in questions for us to answer. My co-hosts have all done surrogacy in Australia

00:44
and they alternate between surrogates, gay dads and straight mums. This episode, recorded in September 2025, features Silva. Silva and husband Tom from Tweed Heads became parents to their daughter Delilah in July 2024. Delilah was carried by surrogate Michaela from Sydney, who was previously a stranger and now a lifelong friend. Silva had previously birthed her angel baby, son Roman, in 2021 before needing a hysterectomy.

01:13
This was Michaela’s second time as a surrogate and also the second surrogate for Silva as her sister was their first surrogate but experienced pregnancy losses with three embryo transfers. My regular listeners might notice that this episode starts slightly differently. For those who have attended a webinar and then listened to these podcast or YouTube recordings, you’ll know that I cut out the information part of the webinar as that is repetitive. However, once I finished that information part,

01:42
I often have a moment where I reconnect to the IP, Intended Parent, or surrogate, who has been patiently listening, before we launch into their story. And that’s what you’ll hear on this episode as Silva unexpectedly mentioned SASS. So I decided to leave it in the recording as a type of positive review. I hope you enjoy this episode. So Silva, there we go. Your crash course. it helped you realize how much you’ve learned in surrogacy now, doing the whole journey?

02:09
Yeah, and also how helpful it would have been to be part of SAS. I’m not just saying that actually, I was reading that last bit and I was like, oh, that was good. Thank you. That’s really valuable to hear and interesting for people to hear that from someone that’s done it. So maybe that might interest a few people to read further about it. So the journey to motherhood has taken quite some time to get there. As I said in the introduction, you ultimately birthed your little boy Roman. So tell us a little bit about.

02:36
the journey that took you there in terms of your own family planning and then ultimately which led to your hysterectomy as well. Okay, so we tried to have a baby, I think it was about five years and I had all of the things like PCOS and you know, like just basically anything that could be a problem there I had, endometriosis, I had a big cyst that was in the lining of my uterus.

03:00
that I actually didn’t even know about until I was pregnant. That it was the size of, think a grapefruit, they said at the time, so pretty big. And then when I ended up having a hysterectomy, I had adenomyosis or whatever it’s called. Adenomyosis? Yes. And I also had blocked tubes and I had all of these things. no wonder I couldn’t get pregnant on my own. anyway, so we did IVF and on our second transfer, I was pregnant with Roman and then he was born early.

03:30
six months and so when we knew he was so I was in hospital in and out of surgeries and they were I had an incompetent cervix which is when your cervix

03:43
Dilates before it’s supposed to and you just go into labor so I was in and out of surgery for them to try and fix that and ultimately I got a Infection as a result of the surgery and they had to remove the stitch that they put in to try and keep Roman inside and I gave birth to Roman so that was you know, the most traumatic thing that I’ve ever been through so then my husband and I we took off around Australia to take some time to grieve and

04:11
And on that trip, I was just bleeding so much and I had to fly home a couple of times and see a specialist and in the end they said, Sylvia, you’ve got to come home and get this looked at because if you bleed anymore out in the middle of nowhere, you’re going to be in a lot of trouble. So I came home. My sister said, if you are going to get a hysterectomy, make sure they leave because we didn’t know anything about this. Make sure they leave your ovaries because I’d like to be a surrogate for you. So that got me through the trauma of going through that.

04:41
hysterectomy because I knew that I had a surrogate on the other side. And we also had three embryos left from the original IBF cycle. Fast forward, we went through all of the process and Sam did three rounds of IBF over the course of about…

04:58
six to eight months, so three transfers, sorry. The last one ended up in a, as a blighted ova, but it carried on for two months because the HCG was creeping up so slowly and they knew it was our last embryo where they would have potentially called it. We were going in and getting tests and she was taking so much progesterone and you know, it really took a toll on her body and us mentally. It was a really heartbreaking ending. We’d actually told everyone we were pregnant, you know,

05:28
like we’d already popped the champagne and celebrating and everything and then there was no heartbeat. And so we thought that was the end of our journey. We were exhausted and we thought, well, our life’s pretty great. It’s time to, you know, be grateful for what we do have instead of, you know, letting this take over the rest of our life, if that makes sense. But then we lived that life for about three or four months. And then I happened to be in the Facebook group from when I was doing the surrogacy with my sister.

05:58
Facebook group called? The one that I would recommend to people now is ASD which is Australian Surrogacy and Donation but probably the one you were in is ASC which is the Australian Surrogacy Community that’s the national one but there are also state-based Facebook groups so it could have been any of those ones that you might have been in probably.

06:15
Yeah, and so that like, you know, when you forget you’re in a Facebook group and then all of a sudden like a notification pops up like, you know, Betty’s bakers put up a new pie or something like that. It was just like that. But it was in the surrogacy group. Like someone had introduced themselves, which if you were in one of those surrogacy groups, it’s constant flow of chatter in there. So it wasn’t wasn’t like it was the first thing that happened anyway. So I clicked on it and it just sort of made me think what if we share our story and we share and just see where it goes because we didn’t really have the

06:45
capacity to fight too hard at that point, if that makes sense. It was our last sort of Hail Mary shot kind of thing. I remember sitting there with my husband and just saying, and just burst into tears and said, I’m not done. I want to give it one more try. And I said, imagine if we just found this lady who, you know, has heaps of kids and just kind of does this kind of thing.

07:08
crazies like myself or your surrogate Michaela that you have. We did have lots of kids. was such a huge impact on her life and it’s a huge impact on any surrogate’s life. But I think that maybe I was hoping that it would be someone that would potentially like be more experienced if that makes sense so that I don’t have to worry so much about.

07:27
bringing someone into this world. And that’s what you found. You found a surrogate who had already been a surrogate. Literally. That had six of her own children and had been a surrogate one time before. And she offered to us so quickly. We were underway, but I didn’t have any embryos and I was three years older.

07:48
than I was initially and I think I was 38 or nine. We had to roll the dice and do it. And because I didn’t have a uh uterus, you you can’t, if you have a uterus, you could just say that you’re freezing eggs basically to save yourself a lot of money. You can get the Medicare rebate and all of that kind of thing. But if you don’t have a uterus, they know it’s for surrogacy. And so you don’t get any.

08:12
Medicare rebate. So one cycle is $20,000. So I’m three years older and I’m rolling the dice with $20,000 to see if I can make another embryo. And there’s all those things that intended mum’s way up like that. Do you go to donor eggs? I will just mention to people that the clinic life fertility up in Brisbane, but they have clinics now across the board. They do Medicare rebates. They have a way of working the system. Yes. So for people listening, hopefully that’s a little

08:42
Nugget of information and again, I saw the people at life at the FSA conference that I was saying that I was at just over the weekend So you did roll the dice. How does this story end? How many embryos did you make? We made seven

08:54
Yeah, and we made seven and then we sent off the best quality for testing So I hadn’t had my other embryos tested before I was too scared that I would damage them after losing Roman I was just all in my head about everything So I sent off four to be tested and three came back normal Okay, so we had three normal tested embryos plus the other three that haven’t been tested and one came back abnormal So Michaela got pregnant

09:24
on the first round. So you’ve got a freezer you had some still in the freezer? Yeah. Yes.

09:30
So well, I think that’s probably a nice opportunity to go to the photo so that people can see, you know, put a face to a name there of who we’re talking about when we’re talking about Michaela and her family. So tell us who we’ve got in this photo. And obviously they, you live a long distance away from each other. So at some point in time, you had to visit her in person. Yeah. So we happened to be down halfway down on the midnight mid like at Southwest rocks for we go away every year for Roman’s birthday. So we met her the day after Roman’s birthday on the 4th of March.

10:00
And in the front we have Michaela on the left and her husband Simon and then Kim my husband in the back with the big beard and then me leaning over Michaela’s shoulder. And so then not only is it Michaela and husband Simon that are part of the ride it’s her six children as well and so we’ve got photos here.

10:17
catch ups, I’m guessing at their house and at water parks and things like that. is that what you, did you spend a bit of time getting to know the family as well? Yeah, yeah. So all of those photos are actually up here on the Gold Coast. We’re lucky because the top, top photo that’s Kim’s parents have a unit that the family all gets to holiday at. So we’re really lucky we can have them up here whenever they get the chance, they all jump in the car and drive up. Yeah. And so we catch up there at least once a year at that stage.

10:47
were catching up every few months. And then so that’s Wet n Wild, the bottom right and then the bottom left, that’s a mocktail. I’m pretty sure that was the day after the transfer that Michaela’s having and she made me drink wine. I felt so bad, but she’s just like, you have to. Wow. So just for a bit of a timeframe. So as you said, it was a very quick turnaround from when Michaela initially offered and then

11:12
From that point on, I guess you’re still getting to know each other, but is that when you got on with the counselling and the legals? Yeah. And how long does that process take? A few months to get through all of that paperwork. There’s a bit of a waiting list to get into counselling and counselling specifically, I think.

11:27
but that was fine because they had a big holiday planned. We had to have a meeting actually with the fertility clinic. So there was, we were waiting at least three or four months to get those initial appointments rolling, which again was fine because we were still getting to know each other. So it was always promised right from the get go, but we did have that those few months where we were, I mean, we were talking every day during this process. to clarify for people, talking probably means not necessarily

11:57
on the phone probably during messenger or text I’m assuming. Yeah yeah but also on the phone I don’t know if we were talking on the phone every day but we were talking on the phone a lot because Michaela is always doing something so she’s always like you know she’s always oiling her fence or something like that so she’s always available to talk. So busy women you want something done ask a busy person. Yeah yeah. And so then we moved through that process and so then that took a few months with the dating and the getting to know each other.

12:25
Was it you that went to them for the first time when you met them in person? Yeah, so we happened to be down on Southampton Rocks. So we were a few hours away. So she just invited us over. And so I think we probably met. I think she offered to be our surrogate about halfway through January. And we met on the 4th of March. OK, so pretty quickly. But she’d already offered before we met in person. We’d zoomed. As a context for people wondering how that works, for example, with my IP,

12:55
on the second time, second or third time I met them, what I offered was sort of, I said, I’m offering to date you because I wanted to offer because I didn’t want them going out talking to another surrogate and I wanted to be exclusive with them and let them know that I…

13:09
wanted to commit to getting to know them. And then officially I offered five or six months later. So I think in some ways it can be quite common for some sort of offer to come early, offer to commit. And so then little Deliah was that she was eventually born. So then do you remember what month was that embryo transfer? Yeah, I know exactly because the dates are crazy. So just by the way that Michaela’s cycle felt, the embryo was transferred on the 4th of November, which is my husband Kim’s birthday. Yes. And then

13:39
We found out that Michaela was pregnant on Michaela’s birthday, which is the 11th of November. Wow. Yes. And that’s when they called it. Their daughters told us it was really cute. Oh, good. And then Delilah was born on Kim’s dad’s birthday, which was the 18th of July. Yes. Michaela’s birthday was the 11th of the 11th and Delilah was embryo number 11.

14:04
There we go. Yes. Well, 11 is my favorite number too. So that’s a good number. Beautiful. And then we’ve got some more photos here of different stages of pregnancies and scans and the injecting drugs and those sorts of things. And then the next photo coming up is birth. So obviously there’s a lot that happens in between there. Anything you could summarize from the pregnancy? Was it a hard pregnancy for Michaela? Did she need particular types of supports that you were able to offer her or pay for? Yeah. I mean, it’s funny because people always say, oh, they must love

14:34
to be, she must love to be pregnant, you know, and I’m always so quick to correct that actually she doesn’t love being pregnant. She has a condition that I can’t, it’s a long word where her hips separate. So she has a lot of pain around there and in the pelvic area. She also at the time has had some sort of a growth on her foot and she really wanted to do the pregnancy before doing uh surgery on that. I don’t know. It’s a long story, but she was in pain.

15:03
It’s not funny, the amount of pain and things that Michaela puts up with is actually insane. And obviously she’s also caring for her six kids. So she’s just amazing. But what she did, she did do chiropractic, Pilates helps and massages. She knew she could do as much as that as she needed to do. She had a debit card, but I was also sending her vouchers because she’d feel uncomfortable. She’s not very good at receiving help.

15:33
even though her whole life is helping other people. that’s very traditional of surrogates, not good at asking or accepting help. Yes, exactly. So it’s a very fine line between respecting someone’s boundaries. I don’t want X, Y, Z and also pushing help where you think that, you know, she, she to make her life more comfortable. So it is a really fine dance because it’s true that surrogates and I’m the same. Like I’m, I would say I’m a helper if that makes sense. And if anyone ever asks me, I

16:03
I need a hand. just say no straight away. I don’t even know why I say no, but I do. Sorry, but I’m never going to be really upset if someone pushes help on me. So I sort of tried to look at it like that. I’d rather her get upset that I’m trying to help too much rather than risk not helping enough. makes sense. Definitely. And so one thing I did do, which was hilarious again, she didn’t feel comfortable. So I thought maybe I could get someone down there. Well, we talked about all different meal because meal times dinners is the biggest pressure.

16:33
Yes. And so we talked about all different ways we could organize meals, especially towards the end of her pregnancy. You know, nothing was really working out. And then she, then I said, look, by the time we organize all of these things, she was coming up to the Gold Coast quite a bit. Why don’t I just send you back with a huge suitcase full of frozen meals every time you come up here? And that’s what we did. So I think that happened at least five or six times and she had a giant freezer at home. So we’d just buy an extra suitcase and just chock it full of those Ziploc that

17:03
you can put a whole meal in there and flatten it out. They’re like storage ziplocks. So just do a huge batch cooking before she came up and sent her home with all of that. And that was a huge help for her, I think. That’s a great example of some really practical help because yes, I’d say for surrogates with their families, meal times, we’re getting lunch boxes and those sorts of things.

17:27
An anonymous question that’s been typed in is how strict are the gift laws? I’ll just add my bit on that, but I’m curious to hear your thoughts. The sort of way to look at it is if it looks like a gift, it’s a gift. If it looks like a payment on the side, it’s probably a payment. So if you’re buying her a car or an overseas holiday, that’s not okay. But if it’s essentially it’s the type of thing that you would help out a normal friend with, regardless of surrogacy, then it’s probably a gift. Like if we had friends who have had uh surgery and they might need some meals cooked for them or they’re going through family.

17:57
grief and whatever. So that would be my suggestion. Did you have any thoughts on that finding that line between a gift and

18:04
What was too far? I think it was pretty easy for us because like I said, we had a, we have a unit up here that they can come and stay at, for example, and get a holiday out of it while we all get to know each other and all genuinely love hanging out with like, you know, at first when they came up, I was like, okay, six kids, it’s going to be a big week, but you know, let’s do this. But I actually loved every second of it. So it didn’t seem like a gift. It seemed like catching up with, know, these new people that were, that are like, you know, I’m calling them to life.

18:34
as cousins you know so um but when they came up one time as a surprise we bought all of the kids you know theme park tickets and stuff like that but that didn’t seem wrong because we were already doing it and it was a surprise you know so and i would probably sort of um like i would do that for my nephews if that made sense yes and i think that’s a great way of putting it in context and i would say that that is fine all of that sort of stuff so don’t worry things don’t

19:02
don’t become a problem. But see that’s where it’s really helpful to have other people in the community to talk to if you like a mentor or other sass or people in the community to go hey I’m thinking of doing this does this still feel like a gift and to get those examples. We might move on to finishing off our photos and we’ve got these beautiful beautiful birth photos here and in the uh birthing suite was a another surrogate and in this photo that’s Julie who’s been on my uh

19:25
webinars and podcasts and she was heavily pregnant herself as a surrogate for the second time. And Michaela’s having a big laugh here in this photo. Do you happen to remember what she was laughing at? Yeah, a hundred percent. So this was the first time Michaela had ever had an epidural. And she said that, well, she’s laughing because it’s awkward because she could actually think and see clearly, which usually at this stage of the labor, she, you know, she’d just be in her own world, like trying to survive. Also because she knows her own body so well.

19:55
she doesn’t let anyone tell her what to do. So they were sounding off on each other. They got into a little bit of uh a thing, like Julie’s saying, I know you need to push or something like that, trying to tell her what to do. And she’s like, no, I know what I’m doing, you know? And then finally she submitted and said, okay, I’m gonna do what you tell me. And they’re having a laugh about it. Oh, that’s beautiful. And then here we are, your little girls born, right? What do you think and feel when you look at these photos?

20:22
Oh, yeah. mean, it’s pretty emotional actually, because I look at, I look at me then and I look at me how I feel now. And I kind of want to hug. I want to hug Michaela, but I also want to hug me because of like the desperation and how, like how I felt in that moment. It just felt like I was coming home to myself again.

20:43
That’s how I feel when I look at those photos. Absolutely. Yeah. You became a mum again on that day. Hey. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty powerful. And everybody had big smiles on everybody’s faces. And as we can see, you had a birth photographer with you on that day too. And then some beautiful photos here of you holding Delilah and then having this beautiful candid moment of you and hubby having a moment in your room, looking at your beautiful girl. Hey. Yeah. And a common question is how does that work in the hospital? Did you have rooms nearby each other for the first day or something like that? Yeah. So we just stayed open.

21:13
the we had rooms next to each other but when we first checked in it was going to be potentially a situation where we would have to share a room which in hindsight when looking at that scenario actually the worst case scenario for a surrogate in general I never really heard Michaela’s opinion on it because they need to go and rest after that moment and you know your body is still trying to understand where the baby’s gone so to sort of be in the same room potentially could be complicated is how it

21:43
was explained to me, not complicated, but just harder for the surrogate. so we were going to potentially be both in the room, Michaela, or three of us, the three girls, and Kim would come back the next day. But we got lucky and we just had a room next to each other. In some ways, I would say that for the surrogate, having baby near and being able to have cuddles is important for new people listening.

22:05
one guidance that the community gives is that seeing each other every day for the first week, often multiple times a day, then going to every second day in the second week. So the surrogate’s body can wean off the baby because her head knows what she’s done, but her body doesn’t get that memo. So, and so then how long did you stay nearby in the same town until you went back home? So we stayed for 10 days and then we went home. Before Delilah was born, I was down there for two weeks. That’s great to hear.

22:35
to offer that support in the lead up. Yeah and we were just down the road we were we really lucky we were house sitting a friend of hers so we were a house a block away. Oh that’s perfect yes things like that or airbnbs and things. Yeah. And then life moves on and to finish up the photos getting towards her first birthday in photos there but then you can see

22:53
bags under my eyes there after the first year. We all get bit older, don’t we? Yeah. And so continued catch-ups because some people at the beginning of their journey often go, oh, you know, do you still keep in touch with her and see them? And some photos there of all the kids together and Michaela, you know, holding Delilah. So yes, you still keep in touch. Yeah, those are two separate trips. So that was at Christmas time, the first one on the left at Ripley’s in Surfers. And then on the right was just a couple of months ago at Delilah’s first

23:23
birthday, we went down there and got a house because they live in Burrara. We got a house on the river, a huge house, and we just had birthday party celebrations there all weekend. And that picture on the right with the party hats, that was Delilah’s six-month birthday. So oh they all came up for that as well. Excellent.

23:43
Wonderful. so yes, life goes on and yes, you continue to be friends and maintain contact and well done. You’ve done surrogacy well in Australia. You’ve navigated it together. We’re proud of you. I think you’ve done a great job there and it’s a credit to how you can do it. Beforehand, we were talking about, there some particularly hard things that we could share with people? There’s always ups and downs, emotional challenges and things like that. What was something that you found challenging? And I’ll just head it off by saying that there’s often one project manager

24:13
involved in surrogacy. So I carried for two dads and there’s lots of appointments that need to be managed and fit in with everybody’s schedules. There’s also a lot of emotional project managing that needs to be done in terms of keeping everybody in check. How’s everybody going? I think often when it’s a hit or a couple, so a woman like yourself, you often do both of those jobs, I would say. So is that something that you were aware of that you were doing? It was, it’s almost like an extra part-time job, I’d imagine. yeah, definitely. And especially like doing it twice, both times.

24:43
Both times had their own, you know, challenges. The first time my sister was just starting a business and so she was just relying on me to remember everything. So I had a diary and I had say there was an appointment with the psychologist. I had multiple reminders to remind everyone leading up, not just one time, but the second time, the third time, the fourth time. So that was really full on, you know, any kind of medicine. was out.

25:09
grabbing it and all of that kind of thing. that was like a part time job. Cause she just didn’t, she had two little boys and starting a business with her husband who was working late. She didn’t have the custody to do any of these things. So I was just, you know, and not only that, I was over there in the evenings helping. So I worked part time to manage the surrogacy part time. is enormous, isn’t it? And so although it might be cheaper than going to America to do surrogacy, it’s an enormous amount of time investment here. Yeah. So I finished work and I would

25:39
over there and help with the bath, dinner routine at least three, four times a week. Then with Michaela being so far away, there’s, Michaela being the sort of person that will just go out and book the doctor’s appointment, will just go and pick up her medicine, will just go and, you know, do all of that kind of thing. She just slots that in with the other 9,000 things that she was doing. And she was also, she was also studying part-time as well. the relationship needed a lot more nurturing because we did jump

26:09
into it so soon. We’re still getting to know each other’s needs and wants and love languages and all of those kinds of things. And we still did a huge amount of work before. actually saw Katrina Hale, who I highly recommend. And even doing all of the pre-work, we still had a lot to talk about in the counseling.

26:27
And then post counseling, had a little bit of a roadmap, but yeah, I think, you know, I described it as you feel like the grout holding everything together. So I would have a conversation with Michaela about XYZ and then Kim would get home from a busy day and then I would have to tell him, you know, and then sometimes you forget to tell them or you tell them and it goes in one ear and out the other. And it can be a really lonely experience.

26:52
Like for example, say I know Michaela’s particularly in pain and I’m sending her a voucher to go and get a massage even though she’s got a gift card. And then she’s calling me up saying, Sylva, why are you doing that? It’s not necessary. You know, it’s fine. Whatever have you, blah, blah, blah. You’re just trying to figure out how to keep everyone happy all the time. And it’s not a complaint. It’s just a challenge and it’s, it’s just realistic, you know, cause you just want to make sure everyone’s okay. Yeah. think that’s really valuable advice to people.

27:20
whatever stage of the journey that they’re up to, realizing that it can be lonely and…

27:24
They might need support and it’s okay to be overwhelmed by it. oh One anonymous question, do surrogates get maternity leave? I’ll answer that one. Yes is the answer provided they’ve met the work test at their employment. And so does the primary carer. So one of the IPs, they get it too. And the surrogate and that primary carer IP also get the government paid parental leave. And that’s the only double dipping that seems to happen in surrogacy. Two people getting that leave for the one child. And so they should because the parent is caring for the child and the surrogate has a body to recover. So yes, I hope that answers that question.

27:54
Mitchell had asked a question, was Michaela’s partner good at communicating her needs so you could offer support along the way? Sometimes teams have separate chats with the partner of the surrogate. there occasions where that needed to happen? No, very, very rarely. I would only really get Simon, both Simon and Kim. mean, honestly, they were just in their own worlds. It was just, it was just between Michaela and I. It would might be, I would get Simon to pick up a present for Mother’s Day or something like that.

28:23
you know, that would probably be the extent of it. Yeah. And I hear that’s quite common. It’s almost a sisterly bond when a surrogate for a mum to be, it’s the two women that do so much of it together. Yeah. Whereas in my team,

28:34
I was in the group chat mainly with the two dads, but it turns out my husband, Glen, at the time and the dads, they had a group chat as well. Yeah. That would have been great. For the times where I was feeling sad and overwhelmed and I was frustrated perhaps with them and I didn’t know how to communicate that. so Glen would step in. So the partners of surrogates um are often helpful. We’ve also done a webinar recording, which is a podcast of partners of surrogates. So people might like to look that one up. Also mothers and children of surrogates I’ve interviewed. Anonymous asks,

29:04
Well, back to the online communities. How welcoming are people in those online communities for IPs with disabilities? Not sure if you’ve got any direct experience of that one.

29:13
I’ve seen a lot of posts where people are talking about disabilities, neurodivergent. I’ve even seen posts with people saying like anonymous posts saying that they’ve got an STD, know, all sorts of like things that people get all anxious about. And I don’t think I’ve ever read one where there wasn’t people reassuring underneath. actually I’ve seen it, I did see an IP couple have a baby and I do remember that the man was in a wheelchair. I mean, that’s an example. I don’t really go on the

29:43
anymore. You’re busy being mum now. That happens, naturally drift away. Surrogate Charmaine that I had showed in some of the photos in the information part, the second set of IP she carried for the intended mothers in a wheelchair. I knew that from the start. I would say interestingly enough that can sometimes draw people

30:03
to certain people. example, if there’s a particular IP who has a particular physical or some type of disability, sometimes in the surrogate’s life, someone of her friends or family may have the same thing. And so she’s actually already very empathetic and understanding of those limitations, could be cystic fibrosis or something like that. And because she understands the struggles that person in her other life has gone through, that might draw her to you. So some ways what you might see as a disadvantage could be an

30:32
advantage. So you’ve just got to be yourself and don’t hide any part, be it your neurodivergent, because I am, be yourselves. That would be the advice that I would give people. Yeah, yeah. Oh, definitely. Because exactly right.

30:44
You don’t know what they’re looking for. And a lot of what I’ve heard, I’ve never been a surrogate, is that they do have something in their mind that they are drawn to in the way that they’re looking for in an IP. So someone that they were drawn to, they were looking for someone who had, you know, experience and loss. And, and I guess that resonated with her and she wanted to, you know, she saw us and we were a match. And I guess that’s what people who looking for a surrogate might often ask, oh, how do we find that surrogate? How did yours find you?

31:14
as you said, was you you can’t in some ways you just have to be you and the surrogate will find you. yeah, oh absolutely. Yep. Well as we come to the end there now is there anything that you would like to add, any advice for people at the beginning or anything that we haven’t covered from your story?

31:29
Advice. I don’t really have any advice other than you just got to do your best and go with your heart. Honestly, I was trying to look for answers this entire time. Is it time to give up? Yes or no? You know, and I drove myself crazy doing that. So whatever path you take is the path that you take. It’s messy and it’s up and it’s down. And I never thought that I would lose my baby. And I never thought that I’d be offered a chance to do surrogacy so quickly. And I never thought I’d get so many embryos. So I wouldn’t really get

31:59
caught up on statistics and this and that, whatever, just go with your heart and do the best you can. Well summarised there, thank you, and I’m sure that will bring hope to some people that are listening and help them take the next step for them. Thank you for listening to this episode. To see the beautiful images mentioned, head to our YouTube channel to watch the webinar recording. If you’re looking for more support and potentially connecting with a surrogate or intended parents,

32:24
head to our website, surrogacyaustralia.org to check out the resources and to learn more about SASS. Please subscribe to this podcast if you found it valuable and share it with someone so they too can benefit from this conversation. Until next time, welcome to the village.