Episode 114 – Ideas for IPs (Intended Parents) in waiting

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This series of episodes springs from my work with SASS, Surrogacy Australia’s support service. When intended parents, IPs, have completed their profile and are in the pool of IPs waiting to connect with a surrogate, I do monthly check-ins to make sure they’re still active and waiting. I like to give some guidance and support along the way because the waiting game can be hard. This series of episodes is designed as though they are a letter to the waiting IPs.

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I do appreciate that it can be disheartening that you haven’t connected with a surrogate so that part of your journey to grow your family hasn’t started. When it does, you will be investing huge amounts of time into building that friendship or surrogate. You can get a feel for that sort of time investment by doing some homework now, I guess. My other part-time job is as a high school math teacher, so issuing homework comes very naturally to me, not usually to adults. However, with fellow villagers in this surrogacy world,

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so you might like to take on some guidance just as I did from others before me. I certainly don’t mean to sound condescending, especially since you have probably already been investing time into the community in one form or another. These are just some general guidance ideas which you might already be doing, in which case, pat yourself on the back and know you’re doing as much as you can.

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This podcast series is an excellent resource and I encourage you to invest time into listening to episodes. It is valuable to reflect on these episodes to see where your own thoughts and opinions lie regarding the stories that the other IPs and surrogates share. Refining your own value system about the type of surrogacy relationship you are looking for is an investment of time. Remember, it’s not about connecting with any surrogate, it’s about connecting with the right surrogate for you.

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If you have a clear idea of how this woman and her family will fit into your family, you will be able to articulate that to others. I encourage you to not wait until you have met a surrogate to start investing time into the podcast series and other time investments into the community. It is very appealing to surrogates to know that you are stepping beyond your own journey and starting to think about your life post surrogacy. How will you celebrate the first birthday of your surrogate?

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how much contact will your surrogate and her family have in your life long term? How comfortable do you feel with sharing your surrogacy story with family and friends and in turn, talking about your child’s surrogacy journey with your child? On that note, when listening to one particular episode, I found myself smiling the whole time. Tyson in episode two speaks from the heart and the way he speaks about surrogacy resonates with me.

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I encourage you to listen and reflect on whether you have similar or different feelings to Tyson when he talks about his daughter London. There is no right or wrong answer here, rather an opportunity for you to refine your own feelings. You might even like to share that podcast or links to articles or links to Sass with your wider communities to continue surrogacy conversations. The more we are all talking about surrogacy, the more likely it is that women in Australia might consider being a surrogate for strangers. I’ll share one more thing.

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partly to get to know me a little more or as an option of something to share with your communities. You could share and say, my friend Anna was on this show, check it out. So the following is what I wrote in an email to my own family and friends. And perhaps it’s an example of how I’m spreading the word with my wider communities. Obviously being an IP, your wording would be different, but I wanted to share an example. It is obviously a few years old now too, but it helps you to see how it could be worded.

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doing a little bit of shameless self-sharing here. I have been an egg donor three times and here’s a little clip on YouTube about one of the families I’ve helped. The show was called This Time Next Year. We did the filming for this in approximately February 2018 and then again in February 2019. The mum is Mel, dad is Dave, the surrogate is Simone, and I’m the egg donor for baby girl Riley who was born December 2018. We all live in Adelaide and are now friends for life.

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Although initially strangers who met via Facebook groups called Australian Surrogacy Community and Egg Donation Australia. So Riley is a genetic half sibling to my kids, Emily and Ewan. Sometimes that’s called a dibbling, which is like donor plus sibling, dibbling. There is also Jake, born September 2018 to mum Marnie in Adelaide. Then Riley was born December 2018 to Mel and Dave in Adelaide. And third was Miriam, born in Brisbane in February 2019.

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Miriam’s mum is Beck, dad is Steve, big brother Albert, and their angel baby Maggie. And Miriam was also born via a surrogate friend Katie. So it’s complex. So technically I helped to create three babies over a six month period. That’s pretty cool, yeah? I am now heavily involved with a for-purpose registered charity group called Surrogacy Australia. And one of our goals is to help IPs and surrogates in Australia to connect with each other.

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as well as providing a best practice model for how to navigate the complexities of the relationships that come with surrogacy and donation. I am also planning to be a surrogate for my IPs, and Brendan, who are also in Adelaide. No luck getting pregnant yet, but hopefully 2020 brings success on that front. And a side note, it did. I birthed in September, 2020. I love to talk about all things egg donation and surrogacy, so I’m happy to answer any questions.

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Or if you know of anyone that might be struggling with fertility and didn’t know donation and surrogacy was possible and legal in Australia, feel free to forward on this email my contact details or check out surrogacyaustralia.org. Thanks for reading all of that and for your support along the way. So there’s my example of an email that I shared with my family and friends. Perhaps you might feel brave to share something similar written in your own words and feel free to point people in the direction of the Surrogacy Australia website. The waiting game is hard.

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So I encourage you to stay as positive as possible. Make sure you’re taking care of yourselves mentally and physically, as this can be quite a draining experience when you don’t have much control over the outcome. Focus on what you can control rather than those things you cannot. Surrogacy Australia runs monthly Zoom catch-ups. Head to our website for dates and registration links. This is a great way to connect with your fellow IPs and surrogates from across Australia. We also have a Facebook page and accounts on Instagram and now TikTok

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which I invite you to follow. If you are enjoying this podcast, I kindly ask that you share it with others or leave a rating or a review wherever you listen to the show. If you’re looking for more support from me one-on-one, register for SASS at surrogacyaustralia.org and think of me as your Siri for surrogacy or your chat GPT. Until next time, welcome to the village.