Episode 132 – Jess – surrogate

00:14
Welcome to Surrogacy Australia’s podcast series. I’m your host Anna McKay. Thank you for sharing your time to listen to this episode. These recordings are from the regular one-hour free webinars that I run, which I invite you to attend if you haven’t already. They take you through how surrogacy works in Australia, including how to find a surrogate or intended parents. There are opportunities to ask questions and you hear from a co-host each time about their own journey.

00:41
This episode, recorded in December 2025, features Jess. Jess and husband Ryan live with their blended family of eight children in Launceston, Tasmania. She birthed a little boy Mason as a surrogate in February 2025. Jess met dad Joel through a Facebook post and reached out to offer to be his surrogate. Joel is a single dad and has moved from WA back to Tasmania to navigate surrogacy. Jess has also been an egg donor

01:09
having donated to two families with plans for more. And after she birthed Mason, Jess pumped milk for five months, totaling 300 liters, which was enough to last Mason until he is 12 months old and also to donate the excess to Tasmanian triplets. In this episode, we reference an ABC article and video that Jess and Joel were a part of and I’ll put links to those in the show notes. I hope you enjoy this episode.

01:36
Jess, I’m glad you’re here. I guess take us back to the beginning. Tell me, why did you want to be a surrogate in the first place after having so many babies and children in your life? And then how did you find Joel? My first reason to be a surrogate was actually for myself. When I had my daughter, she was born crammed by like so many hours. Like she was pretty much, she was born at 36 weeks and six days.

01:58
and because she was before 37 weeks she was classed as Prem. Even though she was my sixth baby that I was giving birth to, the midwives there told me I had no idea what I was doing, that I’d never had a Prem baby before and I just felt like I couldn’t touch her. So it was just a few hours before she would have been at 37 weeks and I still felt like I couldn’t touch her because she’s Prem, like I might break her, like it’s not…

02:18
I thought she wasn’t my baby. And I just felt robbed a little bit of that bit because the labor was fine until that moment. And I just felt like I’d lost power. So I wanted to go through labor again and be the person that’s in control. Like it’s my body, it’s my labor. But I didn’t want any more kids and my husband didn’t want any more kids. So I wasn’t sure how to fulfill that. And then came across Joel’s post on Facebook and saw all these awesome pictures of this awesome looking person.

02:44
And I was like, what is this person sharing? have to read this. Because a lot of my friends had shared this post. So I didn’t know what it was even about. And then I started reading it.

02:52
And I thought this is what will solve my issue. Like I want to go through labor and I love helping people. So yeah, I reached out and thought that I didn’t know much about sarcasm. So I was like, oh, I’m guessing like heaps people have offered. And so, I’ve messaged Joel and he was a bit vague to start off with chatting a lot. So I was like, oh, this is my kind of person. I love to chat. And then I learnt quickly that he can’t ask. I didn’t realize that you can’t ask. So I had to offer first. And yeah, wow. Yeah, that’s how it started. That’s cool. So ultimately, Joel’s post was being shared.

03:22
and so friends of friends shared it and so that’s really empowering for IPs to hear that sometimes you’ve got to be brave and vulnerable and you can’t directly ask somebody to be a surrogate but you can say to be able to have a family I need to find one and you can do it in a particular way. putting up their journey. Yeah right and so yeah you connected with Joel who by that point was back in Tasmania. Yeah. But as when we have Joel on the webinar in two weeks we’ll I guess we’ll go into more detail about that that lead up to meeting you because it was many steps he’d been through before you right? Yes yeah. Yes.

03:52
So what’s the distance between you guys in terms of travel? About an hour and half. Right. And so then what you started chatting and then at some point in time met in person and then this becomes surroudating I guess. Yeah. So I talked to Joel constantly for the start of it all and then I talked to my husband a bit about it and then we decided to meet up at the park not far away from my house.

04:14
and instantly we all connected. was like Joel was an old friend, like a brother, like him and Ryan are like best mates straight away. Right. I wonder if that was probably a bit nerve wracking for you and Joel. It’s a bit like dating, you’re all meeting. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I did say to my husband, said like, you’ve got to like date first. And he was like, what? I’m like, yeah, it’s just sorry dating. Like it’s not dating. It’s okay. Like Joel’s not interested in me that way. No, we’re not going to be intimate. No.

04:39
He just wants one thing from me. He wants me to be his oven. That’s it, right? Okay. So then you went on the Sorrow Dating journey and spending time getting to know each other in the counseling and the legals. Anything about that process that springs to mind that’s worth mentioning? No, it was a very long, tedious, or maybe it was more our clinic that we had, but being in Tassie, we’ve only got one clinic we can go through.

05:01
um And I had was emailing them all the time like reminding them highway here any updates? I could just like I was nagging but I was like there’s nothing wrong with me nagging So I just yeah kept emailing them when we didn’t hear anything for a while Just try and get the ball rolling and I sometimes hear in some places where surrogacy is newish for clinics or certain states and being Tasmania They haven’t had heaps of surrogacy. It’s almost like you’re leading them through it, isn’t it? Yeah

05:27
Do you remember how long that process took then from when you saw that Facebook post to then meeting to doing all of the paperwork? Do you have any timelines? I did, but can never remember. will be able to tell you next week more. He knows all this stuff more. was stepping back. was pretty quick compared to some people’s journeys, but yeah, it still felt.

05:45
like a while. I think I wanted to get pregnant sooner in my head for my plan of my life. I was hoping to already be pregnant by a certain time. Then they’re like, after Christmas, like we’re shut up for Christmas time. So I had to wait longer and longer and longer. So to me, it was a longer process. And I’m sure for Joel, he was on a massive long journey. But yeah, if you compare it to other surrogates from once when they meet until they’re pregnant, it was pretty fast, I think.

06:08
Okay, it’s jumping ahead just in terms of an age question. So you birthed in February of this year. How old were you at birth? I had just turned 36. As we said, I think we had said in a message you were in Average, right? Yeah, so that’s the average apparently. Yeah, so I’ve done some data collecting on that. you were at Average there. We’ve had lots of questions coming through tonight, which is fantastic. I’m going to just keep my eye on them. And if one happens to match where we’re up to, I’m just going to ask an anonymous person says, Jess, how long had you considered being a surrogate? And then how were or are your family with you?

06:38
on that journey. I guess you’d enjoy being pregnant and birth in some ways but it was just maybe not okay shaking her head if you’re on the podcast em but you wanted to end it better. so em years ago when surrogacy wasn’t a thing that you could do in Australia my mum and my stepdad were wanting kids and they didn’t have any and I did

06:58
offer when I was in my first marriage, but then I didn’t know it wasn’t allowed. But in the end, they said, oh, thanks for the offer, but just give us some more grandkids. I obviously took that a bit too far and now given them eight. Um, when that was dead, I think we had maybe two. Sorry. Right. So yeah, so that’s where sorry is your first, I think came to my mind. And then maybe like a few movies here and there I’d see, like seeing here about it. And then some Tik Toks, maybe Instagram.

07:25
I didn’t really cross my mind until I saw Joel’s post.

07:28
And I was like, oh, that will solve my issues. Yeah. That’s it. And I think, Zara, there is something that we get out of it as well. So for you, was solve that issue as you say. For me, was I enjoyed being pregnant, giving birth and wanted to help in a big way. So yes, we get something out of it too. Yeah. Okay. So then you are going through the tests with the IVF clinic. Did it work first embryo transfer or not? No, it took us two goes. And one thing that I don’t think it was talked about in the counseling or anything was what happens if it doesn’t work. And that surprised me like when

07:58
Joel and I were together when we knew it hadn’t worked, but we hadn’t got the call yet, but we pretty sure and we waiting for that call. And we still felt devastated, but we hadn’t really thought about like how we would feel if it doesn’t work. It was all focusing on we hope it works, we hope it works. I was doing like 10 million tests a day. Sorry, Joel.

08:16
Yeah, then when we got told it didn’t work and then the confirmation we’re like, oh, like, what do we do now? So we went and did one. The only thing you can do is go get an alcoholic beverage, like not pregnant so I can drink. That’s true. I thought you were going to say go have a counselling session. liquid counselling.

08:33
Yeah, I think with our staffs teams too, that sometimes we touch base with them when we know the pregnancy attempts are starting, but if they’re not working, because sometimes that can bring up emotions and surrogates fall pregnant quite easily. So you’re not used to this not happening. Exactly. Yeah, I was devastated. I was like, what? I look at a baby and I fall pregnant.

08:52
Yeah, I feel like I felt like I was letting it go down. Indeed. And I know I piece this thing, oh my gosh, we don’t feel like that. We’re just so grateful to have the chance. But as surrogates, we want this for you, don’t we? Yeah. We feel like what has my body done that it couldn’t? Okay. So then it worked the second go and then you’re pregnant. And so I guess, you know, how was the pregnancy in comparison to your own?

09:14
It was the worst pregnancy I’ve ever experienced. I was sick the whole time, so tired the whole time. It was horrible. I think I even scared Joel a few times and he was like, do you want to like, like to stop? And I was like, no, like, that’s fine. But yeah, then when Mason was born though, all that got forgotten. And I was like, oh yeah, I’ll do this again 10 times just to help other people, to create families. Like I’m such a giver. love.

09:41
helping people that’s like one of my hobbies. oh Yes and people listening to that aren’t sorry it’s crazy like you just said it was the worst pregnancy you’ve had.

09:49
But I do it again. And so it was hard. So it was tiring. It was heavy. You’ve got all your other things to manage. And so what type of supports was Joel able to help you with? Be it physical or pay for things or emotional support? Well, his emotional support was, yeah, I’m tired too. Oh yeah, I feel sick too. But then he did, we did have one day where I had a hospital appointment and he came along with me and I started vomiting the whole thing, like the whole appointment in the bathroom. And so I think that woke him up a bit like, okay, she actually is sick.

10:19
Because he hadn’t actually witnessed it happen and he just heard me complaining and I think he just thought I was just complaining because I couldn’t. But no, he was a good support. was a fun person. We get along well. He’s like my…

10:31
older brother, older brother, not younger. Just uh pointing that point out. you. He was good with that. And he, if he did pop around, he would offer to help with the kids or he babysat the kids a few times in the first photo that you’ll see soon. He’s looking after them. So yeah, it was good. And if I was too sick, he would shout pizzas for everyone, which was Ryan’s favorite thing, being a family of 10 and not having to cook dinner. He enjoyed having Domino’s pizzas. Absolutely.

11:01
So some of those practical things that can really help. Well, speaking of photos, yes, I’ll share them now. So we’ll go back to the slideshow. think that’s here. Give me a nod that went back there. Yeah. And so, yeah, so Joel got to know your family and friends to some level as well. And so you said he helped out, you know, with the kids. And so tell us what’s going on in this photo. So this photo um in Launceston where Joel lives, there’s a go kart place where you hire the go kart and go for a ride. And Oakland, he’s in the red one, Brooklyn’s with Joel. They have been asking

11:31
forever if they could go on these go-kart things, pedal karts I think they’re called. So yeah Joel was brave because I’m not that brave and he took them and they went on the pedal karts. That’s great practice for being dad I guess. Yeah well he did tell me that he was like really keen for a girl and like when we didn’t know if Mason was a girl or a boy and then after having the boys for the a few days he said oh I actually I want a boy I can just like throw him over the fence like if a ball goes over the fence just chuck the kid over. That kid over the fence that’s it right have a boy or

12:01
They’re rougher. Wonderful. And so yes, people at the beginning often wonder like, oh, do they get to know your family as well? And here’s a great example of that. Yes. I mean, they’re going to trust you to carry their baby in your tummy for nine months. And so you’re trusting him to look after your kids too. Exactly. Yeah. My kids, call him uncle Joel. My younger ones too. They don’t remember life without him. Agreed. Yeah.

12:24
Okay and then some other photos here t-shirts that say transfer day so all at the embryo at the IVF clinic together. Yeah this was on our way to Hobart because it’s like a three hour drive from Launceston so Joel had to drive an hour and half pretty much to me and then we drove down to Hobart to the transfer. Yeah so yes it’s a lot of logistics to fit into your life. Yes. And so many blood tests in two in the lead up.

12:47
Okay, and then these photos are slightly out of order. So we’ve got, think, like a pregnancy announcement here. And what I thought was initially a photo of a baby shower, but I hadn’t looked closely to see that you’re not pregnant. Tell us about the funny things that are happening in each of these photos. The photo of us announcing actually looked quite pregnant there because I was quite bloated from all the medication. So we took the opportunity to show off a bump that was only just forming. But that was the day that we got the call confirming that the pregnancy had worked. And then the other photo

13:18
I thought I’d have a nacho baby shower, but then I realized I can’t drink. So we waited until Mason was born. then, yeah, then I had the nacho baby party and it was also like my husband’s birthday was coming up. So we just made it a big thing. was my birthday was when I was pregnant. So we thought we’ll just join everything together. All the great things that are happening in our lives, celebrating that Mason’s born, celebrating that we don’t have a baby to look after, that we still get our life back. And yeah, it was lots of fun. so who was there? it some of your

13:47
friends and family and job? No, so we left Jobie. He was a new dad. He was too tired probably. He didn’t do that and socializing and you don’t want the baby to be touched by everyone and all that. yeah, I just had uh my all my neighbors came which was nice. Lots of family and friends. Yeah, it was just good. I don’t know if you found it but I found surrogacy hard once. I had had the baby. Some people didn’t know what to say to me. Like did they say congratulations to me or not? But was that almost a chance for your neighbors and other friends and family to acknowledge this thing that you’ve done? Yeah, they could just

14:17
see that I’m like, oh yeah, okay, she was pregnant the other day when I saw her when I was driving past. Now she’s not. Like it was good for them to see that, she’s not just making her big family even bigger. Okay. Just in case they were wondering. Yeah. Yeah. It looks like you’ve had some humor.

14:32
among your team and individually there, which is a great way to get through it. And then this looks like a popping a popper gender reveal, is it? Yes. Yeah. And so did your, your kids were excited to do that with Joel as well? Yes, they loved it. And some of them thought girls, some of them thought boys. So was pretty cool. And was this just in your backyard or were any of Joel’s friends or family? No, we actually had the ABC do a story on us. So we actually had this more for that than anyone just to show that we did it. Yeah.

15:01
Yeah, so people can Google you guys. very Google. Yeah. Yeah. If you search Joel’s name, you find if you search me, you probably find it too. And that’s how I found both because it’s very easy. And I’ve seen you on TikTok too. We’re going to come back and talk about that. And then that brings us to the day of birth. Hey, what do you feel when you look back at these photos of, know, you having a baby and Joel becoming a dad? It feels like yesterday in some ways, like it just amazes me that like Mason’s 10 months old in a few days. And I feel like this was just yesterday, but I also feel like it was 10 years ago or 20 years

15:31
ago but it was just like the perfect labor and just the perfect like watching Joel with his baby it was so cool and knowing I didn’t have to change any nappy. Absolutely one of the questions that’s been typed in and was this sorrow birth healing for you from your daughter’s birth and did it give you the closure you were looking for? Yes it did um like they listened to me I got induced at 36 oh sorry it’s 37 weeks because I didn’t want to go past that I didn’t

15:58
give a backstory but with my now nearly nine year old we had a placental abruption at 37 weeks and then I didn’t want to go past that like I knew my body wasn’t safe to go past 37 weeks so I had two more of my own children after that and they were VBACs and they just they came at 37 weeks so when we were pregnant with Mason I knew it would be better to have a

16:20
baby born at 37 weeks and not have a baby born alive at all. So that was something I pushed at the whole pregnancy. The hospital kept saying to me, we want to get you to 39 weeks, but I just, yeah, knew 37 weeks. And the hospital listens to me when we got to 36 and six, I said, I need to be induced by tomorrow. And luckily I started having contractions. 6 AM they came in to me, I was in the hospital already and they said, let’s go break your waters. And the only negative thing of this whole experience to me was I didn’t think about timeframe with my children. They were like three

16:50
hours they were born. Mason, he took all day. They my borders, like I think 7.30 and then he was born at 7.30 in the evening. So I was just not prepared for the longer labour, which is still short for some people. But for me, going three hours to that was, yeah, the only thing that I would change. If we go again, I’d be more mindful of that. If we go again, so there’s plan? Yes.

17:13
There may be. Watch this face. Excellent. We’ll be happy it back on in the future. Yeah. And then we move on to some photos and this is photos of your husband holding Mason and one of your kiddos. I’m guessing it must be a lovely feeling to see the other people that you love in life, you know, seeing this little boy carry. Yeah. Yeah. So this is Ariella. She’s my little girl that I needed to have a better labor for. She’s so excited. She loves Mason, Uncle Joel. She tells daycare that Uncle Joel’s picking me up all the time when he’s not.

17:43
call me they’re like, is uncle Joel coming? No, he’s not. And the picture of my husband, I like this picture because it’s just him showing like, he knows how to be a dad. Like, I know how to hold a kid. This is how you hold him. Like, he’s just so such a proud uncle. Yeah, that football rugby hold or whatever. Exactly. Well, he’s producing on his family’s over there. He’s only got one sibling who doesn’t have any children. So Joel’s kind of taken in that.

18:07
brother role for Ryan as well and yeah it’s pretty cool. like really like watching the bond between Joel and Ryan. That’s cool yeah although you might have entered surrogacy for something that you wanted to do you see this ripple effect of um the friendships that get made. Yeah exactly. And then to finish up we’ve just got a couple of last photos here of the milk journey that you went on expressing milk and doing that at all different times yes? Yes so after Mason was born I knew that I would have a not an empty feeling but like a what’s next and I did I knew that people get like post

18:37
depression and I didn’t want to have that experience. So the whole pregnancy I was counting down to my pumping journey. I wanted to supply 12 months worth of milk for Mason if Joel was okay with that. And that was my next journey. So I was excited. I got the pump and then I’d try out the pump before I was meant to just to see how it worked. Definitely not to bring on labor. Pumping every two hours. I’d pump while driving to work as you can see in that photo and the other photo I was actually pumping, can’t tell, but I’m pumping while making donuts.

19:07
and not serving, I didn’t want to serve while pumping. Yeah. Wow. So yes, if you’re on the podcast listening, she’s wearing an apron and a normal t-shirt, but underneath that is the pump. So, wow, this is surrogates, right? Committed and crazy. And then our last photo here showing that catch-ups continue post-birth. What was the funny thing happening here? So I had told Joel I’ll come visit and drop off some milk. And this was, I think Mason was a few weeks old, maybe a month or more, I’m not sure.

19:33
And he said to me all this is great when you come up with something off marketplace i need to help me get it bring the change of clothes and i was thinking like what his brother was down from the mainland so was thinking like why can’t i babysit like by sorry Bob but i never say and you can go get the silly thing off marketplace with him and he was determined he’s like so you’re coming.

19:52
I was like, what? And then he got his brother to drive us. And I was like, if your brother’s driving, it’s like, how are we getting this thing back to your house? Like, what is it? Motorbike? Like, I don’t understand. Anyway, we get dropped off at such a poor with rain and yeah, he was buying a pedal cart. And so it was hilarious. We were both laughing the whole ride home and we’d forgotten that there’s one section. It was all flat.

20:15
But there was one section where there’s like a crossing, a train crossing. So we had to like get off it and move it. But I didn’t get off it first. I made him be the man and drag it around and stuff. But it was pouring with brain. But then we got back to his house and his brother had to have a turn too. So I still got to babysit. But yeah, it was one of the funniest things. He had it as this like bonding moment and I was pissing myself laughing the whole time.

20:37
Well that’s great. Just on that, so have you had some time with Mason on your own or was that important? It’s going to happen. I just live a very busy life. I’ve got like three jobs and eight kids and I’ve like looked after him here and there when Joel’s ducked out to go to the shop or whatever but hopefully when Mason’s a bit bigger he can come to a sleepover and the kids can bond. That’s more important to me than now. Like he’s not gonna remember. We are gonna go visit him on the weekend so the kids can see how big Mason is now and we can bond. But I know, I focus on my friendship with Joel more. Like I miss

21:07
the time I had with him in the hospital because he was my support person during the labour and then he got to stay in hospital with me. We had a shared room. We had the option, I think the next day to be in separate rooms and we both were like, no, we just connected so well. It was like my big brother. just, yeah, it was part of my favourite thing for the whole journey. Apart from giving him his baby, I just loved the connection I had with him and having like a best mate. Yep.

21:34
And that to me is that for my whole journey too, and then like I had postnatal depression after it too, and so that was horrible. But for me, it was that week post-birth. And when we were so near to each other and in this bubble of this thing that we had done together and that intense period of time you get to spend together, that was the highlight.

21:52
Not just the birth, but it was that time together. So hearing you talk about that, just to tell people about that bubble. I just, yeah, I loved, I miss that bubble so much. Hence why you might do it again. Why’d you be hard with the second kid? But I’m guessing it’s one anonymous person, because you are typing in fantastic questions. Can you please come back to everything now?

22:10
Because sometimes it’s quiet on the questions. We may or may not get through them all, but these are wonderful questions. I’m going to answer one anonymous question quickly about SAS. It says, SAS, do surrogates get all the IPs in waiting profiles or is there a method applied in making available certain profiles? Great question. I admittedly do a little bit of suggested filtering. She does get access to them all, yes. But for example, if a surrogate says she wants IPs who live locally to her, I’m going to recommend she looks at those in the state that she is. If she particularly

22:40
wants to carry for gay IPs or a straight couple, then I’m gonna make recommendations based on that. If she wants IPs who have actually already had a child before, I’ll make recommendations. So she gets access to them all. And then IPs also get a chance to look at her profile when she picks them, because she might not be the right fit for you as the IPs. And so that’s your opportunity to have a chance to.

23:01
get that say and that has happened once for medical reasons of some sort that the IPs actually declined a surrogate but most times they say yes there. What do I want to ask Jess from all the wonderful questions that have come through? Is there something that springs to mind about the easiest or hardest thing about being a surrogate or an egg donor? The hardest thing apart from that with the surrogate the hardest thing was like obviously the pregnancy but also I didn’t want to let

23:25
Joel down or I didn’t want to have like bad news for him or anything like that. Like if there wasn’t like movement, I’d panic like, oh no, like, and I don’t know. just, didn’t want to disappoint him was my main thing. So yeah, really meant.

23:38
to you as well. Was it hard carrying a baby that wasn’t yours, especially having and loving so many of your own? No, it was probably easier knowing I didn’t have to look after a at the end. Like after giving birth, I was like, oh, I don’t have to like look after a baby as well. Like it was the most exciting part. Like I could go into auntie mode, which when Mason was born, first thing I think a lot of surrogates will think is, like they’re done with me. If that like that crossed my mind, I was like, well, what do I do now? Like he’s got the baby, like not and not him thinking negative of me.

24:08
But me going like where do I stand now? Like I’m offered to supply the milk, but he could be like, no, it’s his formula So I wasn’t sure I remember sitting there like obviously I still like not wearing clothes or anything and he’s there Looking at his baby, which is so cute But I’m like, what do I do now? And I was waiting for the epidural to wear off So I think I had this time to think that then once we moved to the beds and he would like ask me a question because I’m a mom and I’ve done this ten hundred times I was like, oh like I can be an auntie like he’s not gonna think I’m trying to be a mom. So yeah

24:38
Just finding that rhythm. That’s really valuable to hear. think that balance that that dynamic. Yeah.

24:44
We had mentioned before about you being on social media and that’s where I came across you. And then at the birth in particular, I remember seeing on socials a little video that you had posted with some classic slightly crazy surrogate humor. Can you tell me about that video Jess and what is it that you said there to Joanne? So people that use TikTok, like there’s different sounds on there and there was one sound I found that I was like, oh my God, I need to use this when I do like the most important bit of the surrogacy journey to me was handing the baby. I didn’t want anyone else to hand Mason Joel had to

25:14
me. So no one, he couldn’t touch Mason until I’d given him his child. And yeah, I found this sound that says you left this in my vagina. ah And so I really wanted to say that and I hadn’t told Joe and he was obviously in like he’s happy, like bubbly, like, oh my god, I just got a kid moment. So I said it to him, he didn’t hear it, but I made sure it was filmed. And so could play it back to him later.

25:36
say you left this in my vagina. As I said surrogates are a bit crazy right? we are. That’s fantastic and I think that’s part of it that surrogates it’s not hard to hand over the baby because it’s not a surprise when we get to that point we’ve been planning this whole thing for a year or two. Exactly.

25:54
And obviously partners or husband in your case come along for the ride. It’s initially your idea. There’s a question that has been typed in. How was hubby with you caring for another guy? yeah, was your husband initially a bit hesitant about Sarah you say? Not like about caring for the guy wasn’t really an issue for him. He didn’t understand how IVF worked to begin with. He had to learn about how.

26:14
I’d become pregnant that involved like going to the clinic and that kind of thing. Um, especially cause like, this wasn’t my egg. So that was obviously the only way to do it. But yeah, his mind, he didn’t know that yet. Um, but I think he loved that it was for a guy cause he could get like a brother, a mate, like they could both bag me out. They can pick on Jess.

26:34
Okay, so over time that you’ve become a good team. Once Mason was born, I think that was an eye opener for my husband and for me like not and for Joel. None of us knew what it would be like for Joel to have a baby. hadn’t obviously been surrogates before and been through this journey. But yeah, seeing Joel with Mason and then just that bond and then us being auntie and uncle, Ryan actually being able to be an uncle like for the first time. I’ve got one brother who’s got two daughters, but they were not babies when he met them as much as I

27:02
young but yeah we didn’t really bond with my brother’s kids as much as we get to with Mason. Yeah, but yes it’s an extended family in some ways. Yeah. And then speaking of family, how did your friends and family react to you being a surrogate? Did you have any negativity or any support they were able to help with? And most people were like oh that’s so typical Jess like she loves helping people that kind of thing. I did have one friend that to this day I still don’t know why but I thought she was one of my closest friends and she just one day told me she can’t be a part of this chapter of my life. So once Mason was born

27:32
I thought, oh, chapter’s over. And yeah, I’ve just heard from her recently and she said not like she can’t continue the friendship. So I’m not sure what happened. wasn’t. Wow. I don’t know what happened. And like she’s meant to be like a godmother, like an extra auntie to one of my kids. So yeah, I’m never going to know, but I’ve gained Joel and I’ve gained all the sorrow sisters that I’ve got.

27:52
so many close friends now that it still upsets me but it is what it is. Yeah, well thank you. Sorry that happened. Well speaking of your Surrey sisters, yes tell us about the community so that you found other surrogates to connect with that not necessarily in Tasmania but some who were often pregnant at a similar time to you. Yeah, tell us about the community you found there. When I was pregnant with Mason there was a surrogacy retreat being organized and it was going to be in Tassie and that’s where I am so that was amazing. So I got to meet other surrogates or people that are

28:22
wanting to be surrogate, sort of being a surrogate. And I didn’t get to hear really anyone’s story, which was one thing I wished I’d heard more, but there wasn’t enough time and there were so many of us. But it was just so nice to be somewhere where no one’s going to get sick of me talking about it.

28:36
Jess, if we talked about something else, like my husband, it’s not like obviously a passion for him. He’s got his own passion. So he’d get over me talking about it. But yeah, when I was at this retreat, there was never a time that someone would go, stop talking about surrogacy, because that’s what we were all connected with. And then from there, there’s the Facebook page we’ve got just for surrogate. So we all connect on there. So we’re all posting like when we’re pregnant or whatever. So I found a few of us were due similar times and then

29:01
We started a chat to them and then one of us would start a group chat and it just went from there and then we’ve all had our journeys, had our babies now and then we’re still connecting through that. I was lucky enough to, I’ve met the four main girls I talked to, four, not number four, three main girls I talked to. I’ve met them all now. So yeah, I met one a few months ago and then I met two more just the last week.

29:23
Yes, because you joined us on the Zoom one of the Zoom catch-ups and you were at the house up in Queensland. Yeah. Brie was there too. So that’s lovely. So I guess you’ve witnessed the surrogacy community now through surrogates and others over the last year or so. And this possibly ties into one of the last question that’s been typed in there where we said we’ve mentioned that a few teams have broken down. What’s the main reason this happens? So yeah, what have you observed from the community about uh breaking down? I think that

29:52
The main thing is to be honest, don’t try and keep your surrogate happy. That just annoys me that people think that. As an IP, be honest and also trust us because we’ve had kids. know more than what you know. trust us a bit.

30:12
I don’t know. But yeah, communication and be honest and don’t judge each other, just listen to each other, which is really hard even in general in life with friendships and marriages and children and everything. yeah, it’s just make sure you’re open about things. If you need to have a third person do the counseling. Yeah. And I suppose sometimes talk about issues when they’re small, even if you’re…

30:35
won’t bring it up I might upset them be that the surrogate or IPs it’s we don’t want things festering do we yeah even if things are small to be in with yeah we need to we need to talk about them what could be small to me but it’s like not small for you and we’d never know yeah yeah and if you don’t tell us we won’t know yes

30:52
Good advice there. Well, to wrap it up, I’m just going to mention that in the chat there, your husband, I believe, has joined us here tonight and it says, Jess is absolutely amazing. She was donating milk to triplets in Tasmania also. Amazing. Oh yes. Yeah, I pumped 300 litres in five months and that was enough for Mason and for some triplets as well. Well done you. So yeah, although you pumped for five months, it was enough to last Mason for the 12. Yeah. So I was talking to Joel today and he’s turned off a freezer, he’s emptied one, but he’s

31:22
got some milk there so that’s good. Wow amazing and to sum it up there is there anything else that you would like to say that we haven’t covered in your journey or any parting advice for anybody? My main thing is that as you’ve mentioned like they trust us for nine months to grow their child we’re trusting them to continue to show us their family as it grows like getting photos and videos means lots to us and there’s other updates and stuff like

31:46
especially about us even asking, it’s just like, oh yeah, I helped make that family and they’ve thought of us like their kids taking their first step and they’ve thought of telling us like, it’s not our child, but all those milestones, like all those first things, first day at daycare or first time they’re trying lemons. That’s one of the ones that we always do our kids filming them try lemon. Yeah, just that, yeah, we, get payment in seeing your life, seeing your journey as a parent. Oh, spot on. Yeah, we get paid.

32:16
It’s not just that birth moment, isn’t it? It’s that moment that we get to And sometimes it’s not just seeing the kid. I find sometimes it’s seeing the parents being parent or parent. Exactly. Because it’s like, we helped make you a parent. Yeah. Yeah. I sometimes will ask Joe, I’m like, send me a photo. And he thinks I’m in a Mason. I’m like, no, you like, you alive? Yes. And Joel being a single dad as I followed him was, he’s gotten quite good at having, perhaps putting the camera in certain places, you know.

32:42
capture these photos of Vinnie as a dad. Yeah. It’s time just goes so fast. Before you know it, they’ll be, I’ve got my eldest is 19. Like if he was like yesterday, he was born and now he’s 19. That’s crazy. Thank you for joining me. If you’d like to see the photos shared in this webinar presentation, head over to our YouTube channel to watch the webinar. You can head to surrogacyaustralia.org for more information about surrogacy.

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Also check out our Zoom monthly catch-up sessions, which are a great way to connect with others in the surrogacy community. Attending a Zoom is scary the first time, but there’s only ever one first time. We have all been beginners at some stage. As we say, it takes a village to raise a child, and in the case of surrogacy, it takes a village to make a child. So welcome to the village.