Episode 151 – Ideas for IPs (Intended Parents) in waiting

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you

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This series of episodes springs from my work with SASS, Surrogacy Australia’s support service. When intended parents, IPs, have completed their profile and are in the pool of IPs waiting to connect with the surrogate, I do monthly check-ins to make sure they’re still active and waiting. I like to give some guidance and support along the way because the waiting game can be hard. This series of episodes is designed as though they are a letter to the waiting IPs. I’ll add to the show notes some of the links I’ve mentioned.

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including spreading the word about your need for a surrogate, the Facebook group Australian Surrogacy and Donation and our Zoom monthly national catch-ups. As I consider what to write in this email at the 12 month mark and also the possibility of future emails as more months pass without you connecting with a surrogate, I feel the weight that you must feel some days. 12 months to be waiting for anything in life is a long time and can be quite draining.

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I appreciate that it is not always possible to maintain your energy for surrogacy when it is uncertain how long it will be until you connect with a surrogate. I wish I could look into a crystal ball and tell you when it will happen for you. Or even if it never happens in Australia, I wish I was able to give you that news too so you could process that accordingly. Let me list a few ideas as a sort of checklist. A way of confirming that you have been doing many of the suggestions I mentioned

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and perhaps find one or two more that you feel comfortable doing moving forward. One, have you shared your journey with your family and friends? You’re statistically more likely to find a surrogate through your own networks, about 80 % do, and there are about 100 to 150 surrogacy births in Australia each year. I’ll put a link in the show notes to a blog post written by my friend Rebecca. She gives some guidance on how to get brave and share your story. Two, finding community.

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That might be in the form of Facebook groups. There are state-based groups and a national group called ASD, Australian Surrogacy and Donation. And we at Surrogacy Australia host Zoom monthly national catch-up sessions. So be brave and come along to one of those. And number three, build community. Since you’ve been around for a year now, I’m sure you’ve made a couple of connections. So consider hosting your own catch-up. Start small and suggest a couple of hours at a cafe.

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Initially only other IPs might come along, but trust me, the word will spread that you are someone who is embracing the community and this is very appealing to surrogates. You will need friends on this journey, both IPs and surrogates, so focus on the friendships. Don’t just focus on finding a surrogate because that is very transactional. As another community member once said, you can’t leave a footprint if you don’t step in the mud. So I encourage you to get dirty with us.

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Okay, that could be taken a couple of ways, but you know what I mean. As always, if you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. If you also happen to be chatting with a surrogate and you feel comfortable telling me that, I would love to know. If you’re all SASS members, you are of course most welcome to continue with SASS. If the surrogate is not yet a SASS member, I’m happy to help if I can by sharing information for you to pass on to her or arranging for her to have a chat with me or another experienced surrogate mentor.

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If you’re looking for more support from me one-on-one, register for SASS at surrogacyaustralia.org and think of me as your Siri for surrogacy or your chat GPT. If you are enjoying this podcast, I kindly ask that you share it with others or leave a rating or a review wherever you listen to the show. Until next time, welcome to the village.